Friday, June 11, 2010

It's Just Too Much For Me

I am feeling it.  I don't know how much more I can take.  When my kids are sick it affects me.  I don't feel like doing anything.  I take on their suffering.   I may not feel it like they do, but I don't feel right.  I don't feel good.  I feel bad.

We still don't know what is wrong with Haley's Big Sis.  She is dizzy.  She has been for almost two months.  She has missed so much school.  I am trying to stay on top of her homework, but I am worried.  I think we are a week behind right now, but not all of her teachers have gotten back to me.  I can check her grades online, but not all of her teachers are up to date on the website.  I am heartsick that my child is suffering, that her grades are suffering.

I keep taking her to doctors.  We keep trying the medications they prescribe.  Nothing works.  I am just sick.

On top of that Haley has started nodding again.  I don't know what this is.  Haley has done it in the past.  It starts out innocently enough. It almost seems like she is playing with her hair.  Like she needs a haircut.  The first time it was like she wanted to feel her hair on the back of her neck.  Thinking that was it I took her to get her hair cut.  It was pretty long back then and I had it all cut off. 

Now it seems like she can feel her curls.  They bounce around on her head when she nods.  It seems at first like it might be fun.  It starts out as a subtle thing, but then it gets violent. I am afraid that she will hurt herself.  It can't be good for a persons neck to jerk it around like she does. It looks like it would hurt.

Last time she did this for almost four months, until I just lost it.  I told to her to stop.  I demanded that she stop.  I thought at the time that I was being irrational, this is something that had been going on for months how could a few words now make a difference. They seemed to though.  She did stop, not immediately though.  It took a couple of weeks, but it was such a relief.

So now I am on edge.  Seeing Haley out of the corner of my eye nodding and twitching like she does is making it worse. 

I don't know when it really started this time, but it was bad last night.  During dinner she did it a lot.  She did it while she was taking a bite, that doesn't seem to me to be something she is doing for fun.  Now I am worried about her too.

This morning when she was eating her cereal I saw her do it again.  I asked her to stop.  She put her chin to her chest and then she grabbed her head with her hands and pushed it back.  I almost lost it.  I don't know what she is thinking.  I don't know if it bothers her as much as it bothers me.

I don't know how much more I can take.


  1. Oh, I'm so sorry about your worries! Hopefully things will get better soon! Has Big Sis ever been tested for Celiac Disease? A previous post of yours about how you and Haley are on a GFCF diet got me to thinking about Celiac, which is when a person can't tolerate gluten. My sis-in-law has Celiac and I know it has caused her dizziness at times. Probably not helpful, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to mention it. I really hope things calm down in your household soon. HUGS! :)

  2. Thank you, Lisa. I am actually leaning heavily toward a gluten intolerance of some kind. We have started a food diary.



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