Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What I Heard

This weekend I was in a bathroom stall and I heard a tiny voice in the stall next to me.  The tiny voice spoke in a complete sentence. 

I imagine that her mother had heard her do it before.  I imagine that she likes to hear that tiny little voice.  I imagine that there are times when she doesn't really want to hear that tiny little voice.  I imagine that she had no idea that hearing that little voice speaking, in a complete sentence, saying something so mundane as "I can go potty by myself." would make someone like me cry.

It did though.  I sat in that stall and cried.

That hasn't happened to me in a long time.  I've done it before.  Not only when I hear a tiny little voice speaking in complete sentences. 

Sometimes I cry when I see a tiny little person running on tiny little legs.  Haley didn't do that.  Haley walked with a lot of effort and not until she was three.  She never walked on her own tiny little legs.  By the time she was three she was actually pretty tall.  She didn't really toddle, like toddlers do.  She walked in her own special way.  She had braces on her feet and ankles, they made her walk differently.  She wore them all the time.  And she didn't run.

So when I see a tiny little person running on tiny little legs it makes me cry.

I am used to Haley's voice.  I am used to the phrases that she uses.  I rejoice when she puts words together.  Usually it is two or maybe three words.  I have meticulously trained her to put up to four words together.  When she wants something I make her say "I want _______ please," but it is stilted.  It sounds more like "I.  Want.  ________.  Please."  I have never heard her say something quickly like most everyone else does.  I want to.  Someday I really want to hear that, but I don't know if I ever will.

So when I hear the voice of someone who I know to be barely two saying something that Haley can't say, that Haley wouldn't say, it sometimes is too much for me.

I got over it pretty quickly.  I moved on.  I went about my day.

That was three days ago though, and I am still thinking about it.

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