New Year

Notice that I didn't say "Happy."  

Not that I don't wish you a "Happy New Year!"  It is just that right now that is not the word I would use to describe my state.  

Or Haley's.

Haley has been up since 5:30 am.  I got to sleep until 8:00 am, which is cool, but that just meant that I had two and a half hours to catch up on as far as Haley was concerned.

She needed help finishing her dressing (she really didn't, but she expects it) she wanted pancakes for breakfast, she wanted me to write words on a piece of paper and then on the Magic White Board.  I had plans too, but she didn't consider that.  I actually would have preferred watching the Rose Bowl Parade and drinking a cup of coffee, but I didn't.  

I wanted to get our dinner in to the crock pot so I spent several hours standing in the kitchen chopping vegetables and washing my hands so that I could write some words for Haley and then back to the vegetables and then the process repeated.  Then I made Haley her pancakes.  Something that should have taken all of ten minutes took too long.  

I didn't eat breakfast until around 10:00 am.

Now when you read this you might think to yourself "Oh, how cute, Haley wanted words written on the Magic White Board."  Yeah.  Not so much.  

I was busy.  

Like I always tell Haley, my hands were busy, so I tried to tell her how to spell the words so she could write them herself.  That worked at first.  In fact I was quite surprised that it worked, but not for long.  The perfectionist in her was not happy with that approach.  Not only that, but it was too slow for her.  She wanted the words written quickly.  So after much yelling, and grunting and throwing herself on the floor and after I had to stop and wash my hands a dozen times we managed to write "Grandpa, Grandma, The Grinch, I love you, Grandpa, Midnight, May and Chocolate."  

Those last are the names of some of her new horses.

After all of that I erased the December calendar and began to write in the calendar for January.  That prompted Haley to want me to write some more words.  "Heather, house, hugs, Come in, and Here we are."  You can see where this is going, can't you?  She wants to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house now.  

We just got home from a trip to my Mom's in Montana - we spent a week there to celebrate Christmas.  I told her we don't have any plans to travel for a while.  We are going to stay home, since we just came home from a trip.  She started screaming "TRIP!" and other things.  In fact she just started screaming.  She literally stared at me and screamed at her highest pitch over and over and over.  I asked her to stop.  Then she stood up on the sofa.  I asked her to get down.  She did, but she screamed "DOWN!" over and over and over.  I tried to ignore her.  As if.  Pretty soon she got quiet, I think she was getting tired.  

She watched a DVD for a little while so I started writing this post.  Then she requested pasta.  So I have been up and down several times making pasta and serving her.  She has asked for more twice.  It is almost gone.  

I wonder what will be next.

So, I wish you peace in the New Year and for the rest of the day I wish a little peace and quiet for myself.

iHeart My iPhone

Today we visited a college campus that Haley's Big Sis may attend.  We walked all over that campus at least three times.  It was intense.  We climbed so many stairs - I don't think I have ever climbed that many stairs in one day and I used to attend this college.

Haley was awesome.

She just trudged along like a trooper.  In fact I don't think she ever complained. 

About going up and down stairs.  

Sitting in endless meetings, not eating lunch when she was hungry and not going shopping when she wanted to.  That she complained about.

One of the meetings that we attended was in a fairly small classroom.  There were probably about thirty people in the room and Haley was in a bad mood.  I knew better than to shush her. 

The other day during church Haley's Big Sis sat with Haley while I was singing with the choir.  She entertained her by letting her look at the pictures on her iPhone.

So, I pulled out my iPhone and opened up the photos and handed it to her.  She kept herself entertained throughout the entire meeting.  She did keep showing me pictures that she liked, but I put up with it.  It kept her quiet.  Well, relatively quiet.  She didn't really talk, but she was kind of going "uh, uh, uh" while she held the phone over to me.

I literally just kept thinking - I am so thankful for my iPhone right now.

My husband and I attended a parents meeting, of course she came along.  She was bored.  She didn't want to sit anymore.  What she really wanted was to go shopping.  We had passed up the shopping many times.  I had told her the schedule and that shopping was last, but she wanted to go when she wanted to go.

So I handed her my iPhone again.  I was praying that the batteries held up.  She was completely happy.  She found pictures of her and her Grandpa and spent most of the hour long meeting flipping between three pictures.

So today I am thankful that my child was able to walk all over that campus - that really impressed me.  I was actually getting pretty tired and hot.  She did great.  And I am thankful for my iPhone and the fact that I had some pictures on it that Haley wanted to look at.

~Haley's Mom, Thankfully

This month I am focusing on Gratitude.  What are you thankful for today?

This is Challenging

I have taken on the challenge of 31 posts in October, which has 31 days.  That means a post each day.

It really is challenging.

Life is busy and complicated around here.  I know full well that we are not the busiest people in the world, but for me we are plenty busy.  It is not even so much what we are doing on a daily basis, it is that each one of the four people in this house has their own busy-ness.

I have a list that just seems to be getting longer of things that I need to do.  I have my job and my volunteer work.  I have the house to take care of, which means cleaning, planning, shopping and cooking.  There are even some things that I want to do, like go Fall school shopping with each of my daughters, read, knit and watch some of the shows that are filling up my DVR.

Haley's Dad works from home so he is busy all day and then he has a set list of chores that he does.  He rarely wavers from that list.  He also is planning for an event that is coming up.  He is in charge of a large part of it so he is busy with that.

Haley's Big Sis is a Senior in High School.  That, I am learning, is a job in itself.  She has Grad Night stuff.  She is choosing colleges that we will soon visit.  She is planning to play Basketball again this year so she is training for that.  And she has her classes that have homework and projects, so we need to go shopping for materials.

Haley is no exception.

When she gets home from school she has a routine that she follows.  It is one that she has made up for herself that she does not like to waver from.  I seem to be a big part of that routine.

She gets all out of sorts if I am not the one that gets her off of the bus.  I have been out running around a lot this week and my husband has been home for Haley when school is over.  I have not been home when Haley gets home at all this week.  I told him that I might be late again.  He said it would be fine, but he added that Haley wouldn't like it.  

I said "Really?  What does she say?"

"Oh, she doesn't say anything." he said.  "I can just tell that she doesn't like it."

I have an idea why.

When Haley wants something she knows that I will do it for her.  She likes to have drinks and snacks and she wants to watch DVD's.  I bet she has to work a little harder to get her Dad to do the same things for her.

So it seems like there have been a lot of things happening at our house all week at the same time.  It has felt a little crazy.  So it has been a challenge for me to have time to sit down and write a blog post.  If you have noticed, I have been posting quite late at night.  

That seems to be the only time that I can sit down and collect my thoughts.

I actually really like being challenged like this.  I think it is stretching my creativity.  I just need to work on planning a little better so I don't feel rushed at the end of the day.  Maybe by the end of the month I will have figured out how to do that.

In the meantime I hope you are enjoying the consistency of a post a day and I hope I can keep it up.

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month. The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

John Deere Green

I painted Haley's nails before we went to Disneyland.  They were looking really good.  It had been awhile since I had painted them and I was impressed to find them grown out past the ends of her fingers.

When we got back from Disneyland that was no longer the case.

I looked at them a couple of days after we got home and was very disappointed to see that she had been chewing on them again.  The cuticles were red and ragged.  I said "Haley you need your nails fixed."  She left the room.

Pretty soon she came back with a bottle of fingernail polish.  She held it out to me and said "Tree Farm."  The polish was green.  I laughed.

"Is that Tree Farm green?" I asked.

She said "Yeah."

I actually think that she meant that she wanted her nails painted in preparation of our tree farm camping trip, but it worked.  The color was actually called "Green Tea" but it looked more like John Deere Green to me, which is appropriate, because when we are at the tree farm Haley will get to ride Grandpa's tractor.

She knows that is the case now, for sure.  She talked to Grandma and Grandpa on the phone the other night and they told her that she would be able to ride the tractor on the tree farm.

So here are Haley's Tree Farm/John Deere Green nails.

A Bit Groggy

Last week for Spring Break we went to Montana to see my family.  

Haley got to hold her one year old cousin on her lap and give her some hugs.  She also got to play with my Mom's cat Scooter a lot.  Scooter is normally a very anti-social cat, but since my niece arrived on the scene he seems to appreciate the companionship of people a lot more.

It was nice to visit my Mom for several reasons, not the least of which was I got a full night's sleep almost every night.  Haley didn't wake me up in the middle of the night at all.  She slept on a mattress on the floor right next to me.  

I don't know if that is why.  

Maybe it is because the room we slept in is very dark at night, or because there are no sounds outside.  Other than the occasional train that goes right by my Mom's house.  

Whatever the reason I really enjoyed it.  

At dawn when some light finally came in to the room Haley would wake up and go downstairs quietly on her own.  She had her laptop set up on a small desk in the kitchen, right next to the space heater.  She was perfectly happy.  Her Dad usually got up shortly after she did.  I slept until I heard my Mom get up (there is something about her voice, even at this age I cannot ignore it.)  I would look to my right and my husband was gone, then I would look to  my left and my daughter was gone.  I never heard either one of them get up.

So, now that we are home things have changed a little bit.  Haley did sleep through the night a couple of nights.  She has been getting up when my alarm goes off or just before it goes off.  She comes in to my room and I look at the clock.  I figure it is close enough to the time to get up and I tell her she can go downstairs.  

That has happened several times.

So this morning, when she opened the door to my room, I glanced at my alarm clock.  I said "You can go downstairs, Haley."  She quietly shut the door.  I laid there for a second and then I looked at the clock again.  I jumped up and caught her half-way down the stairs.  I said "I'm sorry Haley, it is not time to go downstairs.  Come back up."  

She turned and headed back up the stairs.  As she climbed in to bed I apologized again and told her that sometimes (especially when I am a bit groggy) a two can look like a five on my alarm clock.

I am so glad that I looked again.  She would have happily sat downstairs playing on the computer for three hours before I finally got up, but she would have been the one that was a bit groggy during school.

That's Better

Haley doesn't have the best track record with being in an audience. 

She doesn't like to sit still.  She makes weird and sometimes rude noises.  She really does not like to be shushed, she shushes back and then it escalates.

Taking her to the movies is out of the question.  I tried it twice and both times were a disaster.

Her sister's school choir concerts were pure torture for me.  I left in the middle of one crying, because I really wanted to watch my daughter sing.  After that my husband and I ended up either taking turns going to them or getting a sitter, which isn't always easy.

The same with plays.  That was nicer though because there were more performances.  I went to one and he went to the other.

Our church experiences have been mixed.  If I am there and sitting next to her she is pretty good.  If I have to be somewhere else for the majority of the time she doesn't do very well at all.

We have a new situation. 

Haley's Big Sis is on a school basketball team this year and her Dad and I really want to watch the games. The first home game that came up my husband said "What are we going to do about Haley?" I just said that we should take her and see how it goes. We took separate cars so one of us could take her home, but we didn't need to. She was great.  She sat there the whole time and didn't whine at all.

She stood up when we stood up, she clapped, she yelled, she even changed the way she was sitting when she started to get uncomfortable.  I was really proud of her.

At first I don't think she realized that her sister was out on the court playing.  We tried to point her out to her, but I don't think she got it. It helped when her sister came in to the bench and Haley could see her up close. We tried to point her out and asked Haley if she could see her, but she didn't seem to like that.

There was a game last night.

Haley came off the bus in a really foul mood.  Her sister asked me if I was going to come to her game alone.  I said "No, we are all coming."  She was concerned that Haley would behave badly at the game. 

We all went. It was fine.

I think that there is something about the acoustics, the people and the mood of a basketball game.  She knows she can make noise and clap and get silly and her Dad and I won't stop her. It is freeing for her.  There were a few moments when she started making her "raspberries" and giggling that I got a little concerned, but there was so much surrounding noise it wasn't bad.  I distracted her by clapping and turning it in to a cheer.  She clapped with me and her Dad even joined us.

Haley was in a bad mood before the game and after the game, but at the game she was great.

A Compliment

Haley got money for Christmas.

My child loves to shop and she understands that she needs money to shop, so when her Big Sis wanted to go to the Mall she was ready.

Random Ramblings...

...or...

If I don't post something on here you all will think I died...

I probably don't need to tell you that this time of year can get a little hectic.  So anyway...

My Mom came to visit for a day.  It should have been longer but she was on her way through via Amtrak and her train was so late getting in we basically lost a day.  She was only scheduled to be here for two days and then she left again to visit my brother down south for Thanksgiving.  I did put my foot down (and pouted quite a bit) when I found out that she would only be here a couple of days on her way back north and east, so her trip was extended and she was with us about four days after the holiday.

So Mom was here and that was fun.

Then for Thanksgiving we went to my husband's parents.  We did all of the things that Haley would expect.  She got to go to the Tree Farm with Grandpa and she rode the tractor.  She saw Heather.  We had wonderful food and generally had a nice visit.

Then Mom and Don came back and spent some time with us.  We all really love having my Mom around.  There is always lots of laughter.  Haley didn't seem shy at all.  She gave everyone big hugs every night before she went to bed.  In fact the hugs got bigger every time.

I have been busy getting Christmas presents and trying to get them wrapped while the girls are in school.  I am almost done.  They will have the next two weeks off and I think I am ready.  The calendar is looking less full toward the end of the month and I am really looking forward to just hanging out with my family.

Haley is excited for Christmas.  She brings home art from school each day.  Today she brought home a gift from her One-on-One.  It is a toy train that holds candy.  When you push down the smoke stack it makes a lot of train related noises.  The sounds go on for quite a while.  That gift may not last long around here.  She hasn't even discovered that there is candy in it yet.

Oh, Haley got to see the SP&S 700 and the SP 4449 too, but that is a subject for another day.

The Dance

Haley's Big Sis went to her Homecoming dance last weekend.  She had friends coming over.  She had plans to curl hair and put on makeup. 

I wasn't there.  I had other plans.  I gave my husband explicit instructions to take pictures.  I wanted pictures of everything.  I made sure that Big Sis knew of those plans so that she wouldn't shut him down.  I made sure that she knew it was important to me.

At a time that I thought everything would have calmed down I called my husband to find out how it went.

I wanted to know if the girls had made it.  I wanted to know if they looked pretty.  I wanted to know if their dates arrived.  I wanted to know if he took some good pictures.

Apparently all of those things happened, but what he wanted to tell me was that Haley wouldn't go to bed.  I called about forty-five minutes after nine.  She should have been asleep. 

I had forgotten about Haley. 

Not that she was there, but how she might react.

He said she was fine while everyone was here.  She was fine afterward too.  It was when he told her that it was time to go to sleep that she got upset.  She never said anything to him that would give him a clue as to why she was upset.  She just wouldn't cooperate with him.  She threw herself on the floor and laid there.  I asked him to hand her the phone.  I tried to talk to her.  I tried to get her to talk to me.  She didn't.  She grunted a couple of times.  I told her that she needed to go to bed. 

I wished my husband good luck and I hung up.

The next day I looked at the pictures my husband had taken and I got a little more of a clue as to what had happened.

Haley's Big Sis and her friend curled their hair.  They put make-up on.  They got dressed up in pretty dresses.  Then they put make-up on Haley.  Then the boys came.  Haley's Dad took pictures of them.  He took pictures of the each couple, of the couples together, of Haley with all of them.

Then they left.

It didn't take much thought to figure out why she was upset.  It is Fall.  Halloween is on the calendar.  Haley is ready.  She wants to Trick-or-Treat.

Everyone got dressed up.  They put make-up on.  Haley got make-up on too.  Then they left her.

I imagine that she thought she was missing Trick-or-Treat.

When Haley got home from school I made a big deal about the fact that I have not yet made her costume.  I have the fabric and we have talked about it.  I made sure that she knows that she hasn't missed anything.

Halloween is still on the calendar.

In the excitement I forgot about Haley.  It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it hurts.  I know this won't be the last time that her sister gets all dressed up and leaves her home. 

I have to remember Haley next time.

The Drama

There has been a lot of drama around here lately. 

Some good, some not so good.

I will start with the good.

Haley loves to watch videos.  She watches many videos a day.  Sometimes the same video over and over all day long.  Sometimes a different video is put in after the last one ends.  She (we) have watched some videos so many times that she (we) have them memorized.

I can't help it.  I have the kind of memory and flair for the dramatic that I tend to repeat what has been said on the screen.  Or I anticipate it.

Haley does the same thing.

It started a long time ago.  She would mimic what was happening on a video.  Not really saying the same words, but making sounds that sounded like what had just been said.  Especially if it was said with enthusiasm.  Later on she would repeat the last word of a sentence.  Then some time later she started anticipating what the character was about to say.  She also reacted to what was said.  She would laugh if something was funny, or silly, or scary. 

I mean it might have been scary to another kid, but to her apparently it was funny.  Her favorite characters seem to be the villains.

This week something has changed.

Not only is she saying full phrases (not just the last word) she is saying them with the character.  She is acting them out.  If the character turns to the left when they say it she does too.  If they flourish with their arms, so does she. 

It is fascinating to watch. 

And, like I said, I have a tendency toward the dramatic so I have a tendency to join her.

The Drama...

Now the not so good.

Haley does chores for money.  She has been doing really well with the chart on the refrigerator that tracks her money. She had been earning money for a train video by taking out the recycling.  Most of the time I just say "Haley, can you take out the recycling?"  and she comes running.  Sometimes she doesn't and I have to remind her the reason she does it.  "Haley, do you want to earn a dollar?"  She says "Yeah."  And then she does it.  If her Dad asks her she usually gives him the "teenager grunt" and doesn't move.  Then I ask her and she complies.

The other day I asked her to take out the recycling. 

She didn't move.

I reminded her about the money.

Nope.

I told her that if she didn't get up and do it that I would. 

Still no response.  So I took it out. 

When I came back in and put the basket back in the pantry she walked in to the room and pointed at the white board.  I told her that I would not be putting an 'X' on the board because she did not do the job. 

She threw herself on the floor and had a fit.  She pointed to the refrigerator and yelled "Money!"

"Haley, I took out the recycling by myself.  You didn't help me.  You didn't earn any money."

Her fit went on for quite a while. 

I left the room.

The Drama...

Mixed Emotions

Thursday afternoon Haley came home on the bus and gave me a note from her teacher.

Haley has had a runny nose for the second half of the day.  We have had half of our class out with the seasonal bug. Otherwise, today went well.  Haley is finally adjusting to our new situation over here.  Kids really like her, as does all of our staff in both programs  We are beginning to track goals after doing extensive work at building the class... I hope all is well at home.

I kind of knew that was going to happen.  Haley's Big Sis had been sick the week before and then I got a mild version of it on the weekend.  It is really hard when Haley gets sick.  She can't tell me how she feels so I just have to guess.  It sort of helped that I already had it, I know how I felt.  I re-stocked our medicine cabinet and prepared myself for the worst.

We didn't get much sleep that night.

Haley was very stuffy and she got up to have me help her blow her nose approximately once an hour.  In the middle of the night it was time to give her more medicine.  After that I think we got a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep.

It is better during the day.  She has learned to get herself a Kleenex and blow her nose on her own.  I guess she doesn't do that at night because she is a little groggy.  She stayed home from school and took it easy.

Last night we slept all night. 

I woke up and looked at the clock.  I was amazed and relieved.  Then another feeling swept over me.  Worry.  Dread.  Fear.

Bear with me, I will explain.

Haley gets up at least once a night and comes in to our room and then I get up and put her back in bed and cover her up.  Usually when she climbs back in bed the sheet and blanket and quilt are a mess.  They are either at one side of the bed or the other or clear down at the foot of the bed.  So I assume that she kicks off the covers, gets cold, and then doesn't know how to cover herself back up.

There was a time when she was small and I was less patient that I just told her to go back to bed.  I vaguely remember that.  Some nights she did leave my room.  Whether she actually got back in bed was debatable.  She sometimes played computer.  Sometimes watched TV.  Sometimes played with her toys.  Sometimes fell asleep on the couch.  Other times she didn't leave my room.  She just laid down on the floor by my bed and fell back asleep.

That was a long time ago.

It is kind of weird to think about it now.  I have been putting her back in bed like this for a while.  I don't know how long, or when it started, but it is normal.  I think I have only slept through the night a handful of times since she was born.

And on those occasions I do feel more rested, but I also get this feeling when I wake up.

"She didn't wake me up in the middle of the night.  What if she isn't sleeping?  What if she - wow, I can't even type this - died."

I have no reason to think that she could.  It's crazy.  It just comes over me.  And when it does it is paralyzing.  What would I do without her?  I don't think I could function.  Really.

I lay there with my heart pounding.  Then I listen.  Maybe I will hear some movement coming from her room.  Sometimes I do and then I am OK.  If I don't I get up and check on her.

I know that mothers of small babies do that all of the time.  I did. 

I still do.

She was fine.  She was downstairs on the computer.  I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said "You slept through the night.  Did it feel good to have a nice long sleep?"

"Yeah." she said.

Then I sat down on the couch with my laptop and saw this. 

Where's Molly?  (watch the video)

I often say that we are lucky.  I say that Haley is lucky that we live in a time where there are programs for kids like her.  Where there are medical advancements.  What if she had been born in another time.  Would she have been born?  Would she have developed like she has?  What if we didn't have Early Intervention, The ARC, her therapies, her pre-school, her life skills classes? 

What if we didn't have any support?

We have a long way to go, but we have come so far.  I am glad. 

I have her.


We all do.

Not Cool Mom

Haley is mad at me.

It happens sometimes.  Especially when she sees fun in her future and then it is snatched away.

Number One Daughter is learning to drive and has her permit. I do not relish the idea of her driving away in my car (or any other car, for that matter) but it might be nice someday. As it is I am still a glorified chauffeur.

When she calls and says will you come and pick me and my friend up and take us to the mall and her Dad isn't around I have to bring Haley with me. So Haley sees the girls, she sees the mall and she assumes that fun will ensue.

And then the girls get out and we drive away.

"Shopping!," she screams.

"No Haley, I was just giving the girls a ride."

"Shopping!"

She is mad at me.

Happy Birthday to You!

Haley's Big Sis had a birthday.

I had been out of town so I hadn't done any shopping.

I know, LAME! 

Anyway...the night before her birthday she said "If you got me a YouCurl for my birthday could you just leave it on my bathroom counter in the morning so that I can use it before school."

Subtle.

Haley and I were about to head out to her Confirmation class so I just smiled at my daughter and left.  I thought that the YouCurl (that I hadn't bought) could be from Haley.  So after Haley and I went to her class and my choir practice at church we stopped at Target.

Haley likes Target.

She likes to shop at the $1 section at the front of the store.  She also likes the girl clothing section.  She was not happy with me when we quickly passed by them both.  I told her that we were there to get her sister a birthday present.  That got her going.  "Birthday.  Birthday.  Birthday," she said.  I explained to her that it was her sister's birthday and that we were getting her a gift that Haley could give her.  She just said "Shopping," in a very annoyed voice.

After we made our purchase we got back in the car and then she really had a fit.  Great big tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Haley, tomorrow is your sister's birthday.  You can give her this present tonight.  Do you want to go home and put a bow on it?"

She seemed to perk up a bit.

"Do you want to put a bow on it?

"Yeah."

"What color bow do you want to put on it?"

"Red."

"OK, when we get home we will put a red bow on the box and you can give it to sister, do you want to do that?

"Yeah."

So when we got home I got out the gift wrapping supplies and Haley picked out a nice red bow, she also noticed a tag in the box with her sister's name on it.  I thought that it was appropriate so I taped both onto the box.  I handed the box to Haley and told her to give it to her sister and say "Happy Birthday!"

I gently nudged her in to the living room where her sister was watching TV.  Haley just stood there.

"Haley, give sister the box and say 'Happy Birthday.'" I whispered into her ear.

Haley took two steps into the room and threw the box at her sister (who had been watching TV and not even paying attention to us) the box landed with a thud on her stomach and she jumped.

"Haley, say Happy Birthday."  I said.

Haley turned and walked out of the room.

How does the saying go...it is the thought that counts?  Hmmmm...

What is Normal?

Haley is slowly returning to herself.  Getting back to normal.

She stayed home from school for three days last week with a cold. 

It started as a runny nose and a cough.  Then it became a quiet sad little girl and a cough.  Then it became a somewhat noisier little girl with an attitude and a cough.  Now it is a teenager who is almost back to her normal happy self and a cough.

My happy child likes to talk... and cough
and laugh... and cough
and make disgusting sounds in her throat... and cough. 

She doesn't seem to understand the connection.

She went to school on Friday.  Maybe she shouldn't have.  I don't know.  They said she seemed sleepy.

On Saturday her Big Sis wanted to go to the mall.  Haley likes the mall.  I asked her if she wanted to go shopping.  She said "Yay, shopping!" 

I let her lead me around the mall while her Big Sis and her best friend shopped.  We went into all of the stores that sell toys, cute little critters and girl clothes.  She got a couple of tops and several pairs of pants.  She really needed new pants.  I think she has grown another couple of inches.

She was hungry so we went to the food court.  She got her "usual" at Panda Express. 

We had a nice day. 

Haley's Big Sis is learning to drive.  I have been taking her out, or should I say, she has been driving me all around town, for the last couple of weeks.  She drove to the mall.  Haley didn't seem to think it was unusual to have her sister driving and her Mom in the passenger seat.

Yesterday we wanted to go to IKEA.  Her Dad and I and her sister were talking about what was involved in driving to IKEA.  We were all ready to go with our shoes and coats on standing in the garage, talking.  We were trying to decide if Haley's Big Sis was ready to drive across the state line. 

Haley was impatient. 

She started to get into my car (by the way, I am so proud of her that she can open the car door and get in by herself.)

We all stopped talking and her Dad told her that we were taking the Yukon. She shut the car door, opened the Yukon door and got in and shut the door.

We all just looked at each other.

Haley usually sits in the seat behind the driver. That is just the way it is. It is easier to get her in and out of the car that way. She got in on the passenger side because that was the side she was on, I guess.

We decided that her sister wasn't quite ready for the drive we were about to take, but we thought that she should ride shotgun so she could at least see what was involved. So I got in behind the driver (Haley's Dad.) 

It was like musical chairs.  We were all in the wrong spots.  Well, except for her Dad, I guess. 

Haley didn't seem to think anything of it.

I think she knew exactly what was going on even though we never took the time to explain it to her.

She amazes me every day.

No Mo Jo

Haley stepped off of the bus yesterday with a runny nose and a cough.  She also had a note with her telling me that they had started to notice the change at school.

I decided not to take her to Yoga.  I figured that the way she looked the last thing that she would want to do is hang upside down.

She sat herself down at the laptop on my desk and that is where she stayed the rest of the night.  She didn't want to eat dinner, but I did get her to eat a little applesauce.  By eight o'clock she was done.  I had taken her to the bathroom and she had a coughing fit that left her retching. I asked her if she wanted to go to bed and she said "Yeah."

She looked so lost and sad and tired in her bed.

I went to bed knowing that she wouldn't be going to school today.  I also had a hard time falling asleep because I didn't know how long she would be able to sleep.  I hate it when she is sick.  She doesn't know what is happening to her and she doesn't know how to tell me what she needs.

I woke to sounds of her coughing at 5:00 a.m.  I got her some water and some medicine and said a little prayer for her.  I didn't hear her cough anymore and I eventually fell asleep.

This morning I didn't wake her.  She finally got up around 8:45 a.m.  She came downstairs and sat on the couch.  I asked her how she was feeling and she said "Better."  I asked her what she would like to watch and she said "Tarzan."  I gave her something to drink, but I thought I would wait for her to ask for food. 

When Tarzan was over she brought me the Spirit DVD.  She got a pillow and a blanket and wanted to lay down and be covered up.  Then she said "Shadow."  I got Shadow out of his room and put him on her lap. 

That was the last I heard from her until Spirit was over.  I was reading a book in the other room when I heard "Again."  I started her movie again and went back to read.

Her Dad came down to the kitchen to get some tea.  He looked at her and said "Haley's lost her Mojo."

Haley is normally a very active person, she is usually up at the crack of dawn ready to take on the day.  The way I know she is really sick is when she is like this.  She just lays there, still.  That is not normal.

At lunchtime I asked her if she wanted some eggs.  She said "Yeah."  I made them and tried to feed them to her, but after two bites she said she was done.  She felt hot so I gave her some more medicine. 

I sat down to write this post about a half an hour later.  She started mumbling.  I went in to check on her and she wanted something else to drink, she said "Smells good."  Which to her means it tastes good.  I think the medicine might be starting to work. 

I can hear her talking to the television which is a good sign.

I'm Here

I know you probably thought I was long gone.  I feel long gone.  Anyway...

My first baby has been sick.  Again.  I don't know if she has what Haley had a week ago, or if it is something else.  It looks like something else and it acts like something else.  I really hope it's not something else 'cause that might mean that Haley will get it too. 

And.

That.

Sucks.

I really can't stand it when my kids are sick.  I would rather that I was sick.  I won't say that I would rather my husband was sick, that is another ball of wax altogether.

My life has been going along about the same as it usually does.  I just hear my daughter suffering and see my daughter suffering and I worry.  It's what I do.  I am still getting most of what I need to do done. 

Most of it.  I finally cleaned the floors today.  And I haven't been blogging.  Sorry.

Haley is fine.

Haley is normal.  She is doing her normal things. 

She has been playing with her stable - I am so glad I got that for her. 

She has been playing with her dolls. 

She has been watching train videos. 

She has been watching "the extra stuff" on her favorite movies on the laptop.  I love it when she does that, she can click around to her heart's content and I don't have to do it for her.

She has been eating us out of house and home.

Normal.

I hope everyone at your house is well.

Update

Haley is doing pretty well.  She is very talkative today and we haven't had any more events like those last night and this morning.

Please go to the poll at the top right of this page and let me know how often you check in with us.

Thanks.

My Baby is Sick

Haley is in bed asleep and the bus will be here in a few minutes.  I will have to go out and tell the driver that Haley isn't going to school today.

She woke me up at 2:00 AM and just wanted to be put back in bed.  She was cold.  There was nothing unusual about that, it happens all the time.

Then at 3:00 AM she woke me up again and headed to the bathroom.

That is when all of the trouble started.  What began as a pretty routine thing ended with a full on bath and change of pajamas.  I just kept apologizing to her.  "Honey, I am sorry.  I'm sorry that you are cold.  I'm sorry that it is taking so long to clean you up.  I am sorry."

If I could have taken it all upon myself, just to take it away from her I would have.  Haley hasn't been sick like that in at least six years, maybe longer.  I remember nursing a little kid that was barely three feet long laying on the couch.

I put her back in bed and tucked her in and rubbed her back for a while.  I asked her if she was feeling any better.  She said "better."  She gave me the weakest, saddest little smile.

I went back to bed, but I couldn't sleep.  I just kept lying there in full alert mode, listening for any sound that she was getting up again.  I felt bad for about an hour until I realized that my husband was not in the bed with me.  I relaxed a little then, because I was at least not keeping him awake, but I never really got very good sleep.

Haley woke up again about the normal time and we did it all over again.

I put her back in bed.  I hope she sleeps for a while.  I don't know what the day will bring but I know one thing.  Haley and I are not going anywhere today.

While we were on vacation, visiting Haley's grandparents we went to Port Townsend for the express purpose of riding the new ferry.

When we got there it was lunchtime.

We went to a restaurant on the main drag, it was wonderful. We had the best fish and chips and Haley was really good. She fed herself and was very well behaved, she even used the restroom.

We walked around town a little, but it was really cold and windy. We needed to move the Yukon closer to the ferry terminal so we all piled back in.  Haley was riding in the very back with her sister. We drove down the street and found another parking spot and stopped. I got out and was standing in the parking lot adjusting my earmuffs and my gloves when my husband called to me.

He said he needed my help, Haley wouldn't get out of the car.

I went over to the car and looked in. Haley and her sister were still in the back seat. I said "Come on Haley it's time to get out."

She said "No."

I laughed, I couldn't help it, this child agrees to everything. If I ask her anything she says "Yeah." Even nonsense questions get a "Yeah." Haley's Sis said "I asked her to get out and she said 'no.'  She even shook her head like this." Haley's Sis shook her head, it was the universally recognized gesture that meant No.

I ended up grabbing her leg and pulling. I didn't really pull her out of the car, but I think she got the gist that I wasn't going to take "no" for an answer and she reluctantly came along. As we walked to the terminal Haley continuted to make her objections. She just kept saying "no," as I explained to her what we were going to do.

When it was time to get on the ferry she started getting hysterical. She was crying and shouting "No!" and I was kind of getting freaked out.

There have been times in my life when I really didn't want to do something; times that I almost felt I had a premonition that something bad would happen. I don't know if that is the way Haley was feeling, but her reluctance was starting to get to me.  It had been really windy in the last couple of days and there was some question that the ferry would even be running when we got there.  There were signs around the terminal that said something to the effect that if there was rough weather the ferry may not run and that walk on passengers could be stranded.  The water was choppy.  I was already a bit nervous myself. 

I was strong, however, I just kept pushing her on to the ferry.
She seemed scared, but her Grandma was standing right next to her and that seemed to help a little.  I sat down in a chair and asked her to come and sit with me.  She wouldn't move.  She had taken hold of the steel divider between the windows and was holding on for dear life.

She watched as her Dad stood outside the glass and took pictures.  He was taking pictures of the dock and the ferry and turning to take pictures of us.  It seemed to calm her down a little.  He came in and asked us if we wanted to walk around and check out the new ferry. 

Again Haley was reluctant, but I nudged her along. 

We went up one more level and found ourselves in an area that housed the elevator and the stairway.  Haley looked out the window at this point and said "Pretty."  I agreed that the view was pretty and we stood there for some time.  Grandpa came to stand next to us and talked to Haley a little while.  The ferry made a wide turn and I started to get a little queasy.  I told Haley that I wanted to go down the stairs and sit a little while.  She let me lead her.

When we got to our destination we had to get off the ferry.  I got nervous because we would have to turn right around and get back on in a few minutes and I didn't want a repeat of the last time.  As soon as we got off the ferry Haley said "Fun."  Then she indicated that she needed to use the restroom.  We went in and I discovered that she was wet. 

These days she is wearing an overnight pull-up and they don't have Velcro sides so I have to take off her pants and her shoes to change them.  I was in the middle of that process when Haley's Sis came in and said it was time to get back on the ferry. 

I started sweating.

I tried to hurry as much as I could and we rushed out of the bathroom and onto the ferry.  I didn't have time for protests.  I think Haley was aware of that.  We got back on and we sat down at one of the booths.  We stayed there the whole ride back and Haley rode without saying much, every once in a while she would look out the window and say "Pretty."

When we docked and got off the ferry she said "Fun."

So I don't know if she was scared, if she thought we should have headed back to Grandma and Grandpa's house after lunch or if she was just cold.  She didn't want to go on that ferry, but apparently she was glad she did.

Never a Dull Moment

As I typed that title I had the thought that I could have used it as the title of this blog, but I digress.

Haley is walking funny.  I mentioned in my post about Thanksgiving weekend that she was walking around with one shoulder held higher than the other, a' la Quasimodo.  It didn't stop when Grandma and Grandpa left, and it's freaking me out.

I watched her like a hawk yesterday before school and all evening.

I've been coming up behind her and pushing her shoulder down and then I kind of rock both her shoulders up and down.  I have been giving her mini-massages.  I asked her if her shoulder or her back hurt.  Of course she didn't answer, I don't know what I was expecting.

I spent all day yesterday, as I decorated the house, worrying about her.  I was planning to call her doctor.  I was planning to call a chiropractor.  That's what I do.  I worry.

I even tried to follow her around the house with the camera and document it. She seemed to know what I was doing and made every effort to twist away from the camera at exactly the wrong moment, the moment I pushed the button on the camera to take a picture.

When I was undressing her before bed last night I took off her shirt and noticed that she was standing so cockeyed that her bra strap was falling off of her shoulder.

I started watching her again this morning the moment she got out of bed.

She was fine. 

Her shoulders seemed level. 

I couldn't quite believe my eyes.  I watched her all through breakfast.  Then I had a thought.  What if it was her bra?  What if she was trying to keep the strap from falling off her shoulder?  She wasn't doing it when she wasn't wearing a bra, she was only wearing her pajamas.  I watched her walk up the stairs and made a mental note to put the bra on her that has a racer back, I don't think the straps would bother her in that one. 

She seemed fine after I got her dressed.  She kind of started looking like she was cocking one shoulder up when I was brushing her teeth, but I could have imagined it.  I sent her off to school. 

I have been watching her since she got home and I don't see it.  I asked her Dad if he thought her shoulders looked level to him, he said they did.  So I will keep my eyes on her.  She is going to wear the racer back bra for a couple of days though.

Man!  If it's not one thing it's another.  What's next?