Evolution of a Hug

I am a hugger.

My friends that are huggers know that about me.  They know to give me a hug when I see them.  I am not obnoxious about it (I hope.)  If I know someone isn't a hugger or if I feel some hesitation from them I don't force it.

I need at least ten hugs a day.

My kids aren't huggers.  I expect hugs though, they don't get a free pass. 

Getting Haley to give a good hug has been a process.  Haley's Hugs are pretty famous.  Especially the side hug, the back and bump and the run-by. 

There was some confusion for a while what a hug even was.  Haley thought that when I said hugs I meant Kisses.  Sometimes when I ask for a kiss, I get a hug. 

Haley's Big Sis discovered that if you hold your arms up like a touchdown signal Haley will do the same and then you can give her a hug and it feels like she is hugging you back.

Lately that hasn't been enough for me.  I need the squeeze for it to be real. 

So I asked for it.

I put my arms up, Haley put her arms up.  I went in for the hug.  Her arms stayed up. 

I said "Haley, I need a squeeze."

She did it.  She put her arms around me and she gave me a squeeze.

"Haley!  That's it!  You gave me a hug!"

"Good job."

"Yes, you did a good job.  Mom likes those kind of hugs."

Her hugs have been getting better.  We have been practicing. 

I hug her a lot. 

I love that girl! 

I am getting real hugs now.  Every once in a while I have to remind her to squeeze.  It kind of feels like cheating, but not enough for me to stop.

I am a hugger.

Anticipation...

Haley had been in constant anticipation mode for a week. 

Not for what you might expect. 

She was anticipating going to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

It did not seem to matter how many times I told her that we were not going to Grandma and Grandpa's house.  She was convinced that we were.  I finally broke down and told her that they were actually coming here.  I put it on the calendar and we talked about it.  I showed her that G and G would be here on Christmas Eve and the next day we would open presents, thinking that the prospect of presents would distract her.

I thought she understood. 

Sometimes I think she did understand and then other times she still thought that we were going to their house and that we needed to pack.  She made piles of DVD cases.  She put her pillow pets by the back door.  She packed three purses full of toys. 

I explained it to her again.  She seemed to understand.  Again.  Then about an hour later she wanted her suitcase out of the closet. 

I began to feel like I was in a remake of the movie Ground Hog Day only nothing that I did made any difference at all.  It was just the same conversations over and over.

Finally on Christmas Eve, much to my relief, Grandma and Grandpa did arrive.

Haley gave them both shy sheepish hugs and promptly went upstairs to her room.  Soon she came down with various toys, magazines and pictures that they hadn't seen before.  One at a time, of course. That went on most of the day.

Haley's voice left her, like it always does, but she did sit next to Grandpa on the couch kind of voluntarily. 

We were all watching football and Haley came in to the room.  She pointed at the opposite end of the couch from where Grandpa was sitting.  I told her she could sit there.  She did.  Then her Dad told her that she could sit closer to Grandpa if she wanted to and she scooted a foot closer.  Then Grandpa patted the couch right next to him and she scooted all the way.  She stayed there until it was time for her to go to bed.

Haley gave them both hugs every night before she went to bed.  I also reminded her several times that she could just give them hugs whenever she wanted to.  She did!  We went for a walk down by the river on Monday and Haley really enjoyed walking with them.  She kept up with them too.

I don't know if it is obvious to her Grandparents that she loves having them here.  It is obvious to me.  She was quiet, but she was thrilled.  

Tuesday morning they started packing their things.  When their car was loaded we gave them hugs again and thanked them for coming.  Haley left the room.  Then she came back in.  I told her she could give them another hug and she did.  Then we watched them drive away, waving the whole time. 

Then her voice came back. 

She started going over all of the things we did while they were here.  She talked about them driving away.  We talked about how they had probably put on their seat belts before they drove away.  A little later she started talking about a bridge.  She knows they have to drive over a bridge to get to their house.

Today she is still talking about the visit.  She is also talking about going to their house. 

She wants to pack.

Here we go again!

Kisses

There is a whole lotta kissin' goin' on around here.

For a long time Haley didn't really know what a kiss was.  She confused hugging and kissing.  I would ask her for a kiss and she would lean into me for one of her famous side or back hugs.  She never kissed me of her own accord.

She received a lot of kisses and she never complained, but she didn't give them.

A little while back she started giving our cat Shadow kisses.  She would say "Kiss" and then put her face into the fur on his side.  It still resembled a hug.  Then one day I heard the smack.  She had actually put her lips together and made a kissing sound.

Now Shadow gets kisses all the time.  She visits him in his room (the laundry room) I hear the smack and then as she walks out of the room and closes the doors she says "Kiss.  Awwww."

I have to kiss Haley's little animals.  She will hold them up to my face.  If they are facing me it means I need to give them a kiss.  I usually don't touch the animal, I just make a smacking sound and she is happy. 

Her Dad doesn't participate.  If she holds an animal up to him he gives the animal a fist bump, which means he holds his fist up to the animal's face.  The fist bump thing is something that goes on between Haley and her Dad.  I give Haley high fives when she does something well, her Dad gives her fist bumps.

Haley loves her newest acquisition, a lioness that she got at the Zoo gift shop.  We call her Nala.  Nala gets kisses.  Haley will actually kiss Nala over and over again.  Smooch, smooch, smooch.  Smack, smack, smack. It is the cutest thing.

I will hear the smooching going on from another room.

I heard it a little earlier and I looked in.  Shadow was on the receiving end of those kisses.  I asked her if I could have one. 

She leaned in with lips pursed. 

I kissed her.

It's a start.

Smile

Haley had my camera.  She was taking pictures of her horses and dolls.  I caught her.  Then she wanted me to take the photos while she posed.

Haley's Hugs

Grandma C left this morning after staying with us for a week.  We had a lot of fun together while she was here.  It is always nice when she can stay that long because it gives Haley enough time to get comfortable with her.

It is not just Grandma C that Haley needs time to get comfortable with.  Haley doesn't make quick transitions.  Whenever we do something new it takes Haley a while to get into it.  She needs time to process things I think.  This is getting better as she gets older, but it is still a reality for us.

The first night when Grandma got here Haley was excited.  She was visibly more animated than usual.  She doesn't run into Grandma's arms like other kids do when someone comes to visit, she acts very shy.  She smiles a lot and she gets giggly.  She did not go right to sleep that night.  She kept coming downstairs after I put her in bed.  She came down and stood there grinning at us, it is not easy to be stern with her when she does this, she is so darned cute.

The next day she wakes up early and goes to check that Grandma is still here.  She is still very excited, but she still does not seem comfortable with her.  It takes her several days.  By Wednesday I think she actually answered her when Grandma said "Good Morning, Haley.  How are you today?"  Mom thought it was nice when Haley put in a video and sat on the couch to watch it.  Grandma C asked "What are you going to watch Haley?"  Haley held up the little plastic pig she was gripping.  Mom guessed that it was either Charlotte's Web or Babe.  It was Babe.

As Mom was leaving this morning I gave her a hug.  Haley was sitting on the couch watching her show.  I asked her to stand up and give Grandma a hug. 

Hugs are rare commodities with Haley.  I mentioned in another post that I sometimes get one in the morning, that is a fairly new development.  Usually when Haley gives hugs she kind of sidles up to a person.  You might get a sideways hug (which is more like a run by) or a back hug (which is when she spins and backs up to you allowing you to squeeze her shoulders before she bolts.)  Recently Big Sis discovered that if you ask for a hug with your arms up like your signalling a touchdown she will also raise her arms and when they come down on your shoulders that is about as close as you will ever come to getting a real hug.  I think I might be getting morning hugs because she is still a little groggy.

My Mom is somewhat jealous of my Husband's father - Grandpa C.  Once we had a visit from Grandma C and Grandma & Grandpa at the same time.  Grandma C was already here when G & G arrived.  Haley had already had some time to get used to my Mom so when the doorbell rang and I opened it to reveal G & G she had gotten over the initial shy period.  She ran to Grandpa and gave him the closest thing we have ever seen to a spontaneous hug.  My Mom is a good sport though, she just laughs it off and says that the only reason Grandpa ranks higher is because he has a John Deere tractor.  I think she is right to a certain extent, but she does have an advantage too, Haley can watch trains from her house.

This morning I raised my arms in our "touchdown" way and Haley did too.  She gave Grandma C a pretty good hug, partly because they are exactly the same height now.  I think Grandma C was happy with it.  It was more than she got from Big Sis who was running out the door at the last minute to catch her bus.