New Year

Notice that I didn't say "Happy."  

Not that I don't wish you a "Happy New Year!"  It is just that right now that is not the word I would use to describe my state.  

Or Haley's.

Haley has been up since 5:30 am.  I got to sleep until 8:00 am, which is cool, but that just meant that I had two and a half hours to catch up on as far as Haley was concerned.

She needed help finishing her dressing (she really didn't, but she expects it) she wanted pancakes for breakfast, she wanted me to write words on a piece of paper and then on the Magic White Board.  I had plans too, but she didn't consider that.  I actually would have preferred watching the Rose Bowl Parade and drinking a cup of coffee, but I didn't.  

I wanted to get our dinner in to the crock pot so I spent several hours standing in the kitchen chopping vegetables and washing my hands so that I could write some words for Haley and then back to the vegetables and then the process repeated.  Then I made Haley her pancakes.  Something that should have taken all of ten minutes took too long.  

I didn't eat breakfast until around 10:00 am.

Now when you read this you might think to yourself "Oh, how cute, Haley wanted words written on the Magic White Board."  Yeah.  Not so much.  

I was busy.  

Like I always tell Haley, my hands were busy, so I tried to tell her how to spell the words so she could write them herself.  That worked at first.  In fact I was quite surprised that it worked, but not for long.  The perfectionist in her was not happy with that approach.  Not only that, but it was too slow for her.  She wanted the words written quickly.  So after much yelling, and grunting and throwing herself on the floor and after I had to stop and wash my hands a dozen times we managed to write "Grandpa, Grandma, The Grinch, I love you, Grandpa, Midnight, May and Chocolate."  

Those last are the names of some of her new horses.

After all of that I erased the December calendar and began to write in the calendar for January.  That prompted Haley to want me to write some more words.  "Heather, house, hugs, Come in, and Here we are."  You can see where this is going, can't you?  She wants to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house now.  

We just got home from a trip to my Mom's in Montana - we spent a week there to celebrate Christmas.  I told her we don't have any plans to travel for a while.  We are going to stay home, since we just came home from a trip.  She started screaming "TRIP!" and other things.  In fact she just started screaming.  She literally stared at me and screamed at her highest pitch over and over and over.  I asked her to stop.  Then she stood up on the sofa.  I asked her to get down.  She did, but she screamed "DOWN!" over and over and over.  I tried to ignore her.  As if.  Pretty soon she got quiet, I think she was getting tired.  

She watched a DVD for a little while so I started writing this post.  Then she requested pasta.  So I have been up and down several times making pasta and serving her.  She has asked for more twice.  It is almost gone.  

I wonder what will be next.

So, I wish you peace in the New Year and for the rest of the day I wish a little peace and quiet for myself.

Getting Things Done

Haley knows what needs to be done.

This summer when I did the laundry Haley would go upstairs and get her dirty clothes and bring them down and put them in the laundry room.  I never asked her to do it, she just did.

When the dryer alarm went off she would make a noise and come and get me.

Once I had folded the clothes, if I didn’t take them right upstairs she would come and get them and take them up to her room.  She didn’t put them in her drawer.  She put them on her bed, which is interesting because when we come home from a shopping trip she always puts her new clothes in her drawers.

Now that she is in school I usually have the laundry done by the time she comes home so I am not getting as much help.

Yesterday Haley came in to the family room and noticed that she had a pile of clean, folded clothes on the couch.  She picked them up and carried them up to her room.

Today I packed clothes for her and myself because we are going to start our college visit tour this weekend.  Haley’s Big Sis is a senior and we are starting to plan for next year.  I told Haley that we are going on a road trip this weekend, but I didn’t tell her that we were leaving as soon as she got home from school. 

When she got home we told her our plans and she started gathering her things.  She kept asking me about her clothes.  I told her that I had already packed her clothes.  I told her about ten times.  She didn’t seem to believe me.  Her Dad had already put the suitcase in the truck so she didn’t get to verify what had been packed.   

Thinking about it, I realize that it really wasn’t fair to her, but it is too late now.

Haley took her purse and her magazines and her stuffed pillow pet horse JoJo out to the truck.  I was busy getting ready so I assumed she was just sitting in the truck waiting to go.  Eventually we were all ready and we were off. 

About two hours in to the trip I looked in the rear view mirror and as my brain was forming the question “What the H…?”  Haley’s Big Sis exclaimed “Haley!  Why did you bring your pumpkin?”  I was laughing so hard that I had to really concentrate to stay in my own lane on the road.  I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.   

I guess Haley had pulled her pumpkin out from under her Big Sis’s pillow where she had stashed it.  She had plenty of time to carry out her plan, I just don’t really know why she did it.

So today I am thankful that my daughter helps me around the house and is a good planner and packer.  I am also grateful for laughter.   It is the best medicine.   

I hear it keeps you young too, so that’s good.

~Haley's Mom, Thankfully

This month I am focusing on Gratitude.  What are you thankful for today?

There They Are

Haley had a great time chasing the Daylight.  She really enjoyed having her grandparents here.  She really didn't need anything else, but her grandparents got her something anyway.

They got her a new Daylight shirt.  She immediately ran upstairs and put it on.

She was so excited and her face was really red because her grandparents were still here.

Today she wanted to wear it to school.  

As she was getting dressed I turned the light off in her room and shut the door so that she could see that it GLOWS IN THE DARK. It was just the steam and smoke that glowed, but it was fun.

When she got home from school I asked her if she had fun wearing her new shirt. 

She got very animated and started to tell me all about her shirt.  She told me that it was dark night, because the shirt is black. She pointed out the signals, the head light and the window where the engineer would sit.

Warning, things are about to get personal.

Remember...

I warned you.

She wanted to show me more about her shirt, but she could not see what she wanted to see.  Her darn boobs were in the way.  She was trying to push them out of the way and squish them to see below them.  I was laughing so hard I had a hard time explaining to her that all she had to do was grab the bottom of her shirt and pull it out so that she could see what was happening down there.

I pulled her shirt out and said "See, there they are."

The cars behind the engine, that is.  

She said "There they are!"  

She pointed to the cars that were being pulled by the engine and the word "Daylight" and the number "4449."

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month. The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

Out of Left Field

I never know what might set Haley off.  

Tonight everything was fine.  She had been just as happy as can be all afternoon.  Her Big Sis was impressed that she was up on current affairs because she was watching the footage of the guy that broke the sound barrier falling to earth.  I don't know how she found the footage, but she was watching it.

When dinner was ready I called everyone to the table.  Haley walked in to the living room and went to the cupboard where we keep our videos.  She chose a VHS tape and put it in to the machine.  She was just walking to the table when I looked up an saw that the TV remote was on the bar table behind her.  

I said "Haley, can you hand me the remote?  It is on the table behind you."

She screamed and threw herself on the floor.

She proceeded to throw a thorough fit.  I asked her to join us at the table.  I asked her to stand up.  I asked her if she wanted to eat dinner.  

She screamed "EAT!"  

I said "Get up then and sit at the table.  Dinner is ready."

I tried several things to get her to get up.  Everything I said just made her scream and kick more.  Her sister came in to the kitchen and sat at the table.  She watched Haley continue her fit.  I tried to reason with her.  It just wasn't happening.  I had to go to my hand bell practice so I got up and went upstairs to brush my teeth.

When I came back down she was wandering through the house crying.

I sat her back down at the table.

She continued to scream and yell.  I tried in vain to reason with her some more.  Finally I gave up and left her Dad and her sister to help her.  I guess her Big Sis did try to talk to her, but she couldn't get through to her either.  She left the table and her Dad got up to wash the dishes.  After a while Haley got up and got a tissue and blew her nose.  Then she decided that she should eat.  She ate two bowls of soup.

By the time I got home from hand bell practice she was fine.  

I really have no idea what that was about.  And I guess I never will.

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month. The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

The Magic Touch

Our cat Shadow, Haley's Little Brother, is an old curmudgeon.

He has been with us since Haley was a baby.  We think he is 75 years old in kitty years.  He acts every bit of it.

Every morning he scratches at the door of the laundry room.  He lives in there because he sprays, yes he is fixed, but he still sprays.  Haley lets him out at every opportunity, so we keep the door locked.  

Every morning I unlock the door and am greeted by one of two scenarios.  

He either wants to go outside, immediately, or he turns back around and kind of does his feed me because I am so cute dance.  

We feed him twice a day.  First thing in the morning and last thing at night.  He can eat everything we have given him and then ask for more.  So that is all he gets.

Whether he wants to go out or get fed I usually pick him up and hold him and pet him.  He puts up with it.  Then Haley will come over and nuzzle up to him and give him a kiss on the head.  Then he purrs.  Without fail.  

She has the Magic Touch.

He will purr for me sometimes.  Usually if he feels like he was being ignored or neglected, then I know he wants attention.  He will kind of hug me back and purr.  

He purrs for Haley every time.

She is really gentle with animals.   She has never been one of those kids that pulls tails or pokes eyes.  She has always been very caring and careful.  Animals seem to know that about her.  They know that she is different and they treat her differently.

Shadow and Haley have a very interesting relationship.  Haley loves Shadow to death.  She loves to find him wherever he is and pet him.  She likes to give him kisses on the top of the head.  She likes to have him sit on her lap.  She will pet him in order to keep him sitting with her.

She also does something that we have not figured out.

Shadow will be sleeping soundly on the couch.  We usually make a nice little nest for him with one of our soft blankets.  Haley will come out of nowhere and pull the blanket out from under him.  We have told her numerous times not to do it.  She gets a good talking to every time, but she still does it.  

I really don't understand what she is thinking.

Nevertheless when I am holding him and Haley walks up to him and gives him a kiss on the head, he purrs.

Go figure.

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month. The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

Awesome Greeting

I worked today until 4:00 pm.  So I wasn't home when Haley got home from school.  Again.

When I come home I open the garage door as I drive up.  Haley must hear it because she usually is at the door to greet me.  Usually she just sees that it is in fact me and then she goes back in the house.

Today when I came around the car she was standing in the doorway.

I said "Hi, Babe."

She said "Hi."

I said "How are you?"

She said "Yeah.  How are you?"

I said "I am good.  Thank you."

She said "Stay home tomorrow!"

I said "Yes, you are right, you get to stay home tomorrow."

She proceeded to say "Whoo. Hooo.  Yay!  Woooo!" and the like.

I gave her a hug and went up the stairs to talk to her Dad.

He said "That was a nice greeting."

I said "It was an Awesome Greeting."

He said "Her sister got a similar one."

Thank goodness it's Friday.  Right?

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month. The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

That's a New One

Haley's Big Sis and I were sitting in the living room yesterday watching television, Haley was in the other room on her laptop.

Suddenly she made a series of really strange, really loud sounds.  Haley is usually quite vocal while she is on her laptop, laughing or singing or fake burping and blowing raspberries, but these were sounds that we really hadn't heard before.

Next thing we knew she was coming in to the living room.  She wasn't making any sounds anymore, but we could hear her footsteps.

She walked right in to the room and looked at both of us and then turned her back to us.

Then she stuck her fanny out and shook it back and forth.

I busted out laughing.  I looked over at her sister and she was so racked with giggles that she was covering her face with both of her hands and shaking.

I said "What in the world was that about?"

Haley just stood still, now facing me.

"Do you have to use the bathroom?"  I asked.

"Yeah."  Haley said and she turned and headed to the bathroom.

I couldn't make this stuff up!

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month.  The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome.  Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

Attention

When Haley wants me I want her to say "Mom."  I really do.

I ask her to do that.  I talk to her about it.  I even ask her to repeat after me "Mom."

She won't do it.

In her entire life I only remember her doing it once.

She does know how to get my Attention though.

She does it by making sounds.  Sounds that annoy me.  I have to answer those sounds.  Occasionally my husband, in his most helpful way, tells me to ignore them, but I can't. 

I just can't.

The sounds that she makes are sometimes whiny, sometimes frustrated, sometimes pathetic, sometimes insistent, almost always incessant.  I just can tell that she needs something.  That she needs help.  That she needs me.

I know that because if she were to ask for help, she wouldn't ask her Dad or her Big Sis.  She would ask me.  But, she doesn't ask me.  She just knows that I am the one that will respond.  It is kind of a vicious cycle.

There are other ways she gets my Attention.

She sometimes brings me things.  Things that she wants that she can't quite do for herself.  She is trying to be helpful.

I have been making her cocoa using Nestle's Quik and Rice Milk.  The other day we ran out of Quik.  She knew that.  She went to the cupboard and brought me a box of Keurig coffee cups.  I just smiled at her.  She said "I want coffee please."  

Well, that is one solution.

Sometimes she just wants my Attention, just because.  She likes to show me the things she finds on the computer.  Sometimes it is something on the internet, sometimes it is a picture from our own files.

The other morning we were sitting at the kitchen table.  We had both finished our breakfast.  I was reading the paper and drinking my coffee and she was on her laptop.  I must have been engrossed in what I was reading because she was getting impatient with me. 

It would seem that she had been trying to get my Attention to know avail. 

She snapped her fingers at me. 

I immediately looked right at her.  She then pointed at the screen. 

That is her go to gesture now.  If I don't respond right away she snaps her fingers at me. 

Today she did it every time she wanted to show me something.

Again I asked her to just say "Mom."

I wonder if she ever will.

Misunderstandings

Our lives seem to be filled with them lately.

I don't know if it is because Haley is understanding more so I am pushing the envelope or if she is starting to understand less.

It is happening frequently and it seems to be more upsetting to her now.

And to me too.

Like yesterday afternoon.

Haley likes to have popcorn when she gets home from school.  I make a microwave popcorn that only has oil in it, so no dairy or artificial flavors.  I usually dump the bag in to a larger bowl and then take handfuls of popcorn and put them into a smaller bowl for her to eat from. 

I do this for two reasons.

1.  Her Dad likes to eat some popcorn too.  If there was just one bowl she would eat it all likety split.

2.  If I just dumped the bag into a bowl she would eat it all likety split, unpopped kernals and all.

The unpopped kernals eventually make their way through, but I like to avoid that step.

So, Haley finished her small bowl and then brought me both her empty bowl and the big bowl.  She wanted me to put some more popcorn into her small bowl for her.  I started to do that and then I thought "She could do that herself." 

So I started to show her how to take handfuls of popcorn out of the bowl big bowl.  Then I thought "I dumped the unpopped kernals into the garbage can today."  I was trying to head off the eating of the unpopped kernals by getting rid of them entirely.

My thought continued "She could just eat the popcorn out of the big bowl."

So I said "Why don't you eat the popcorn out of this bowl (holding up the bowl with the popcorn in it) and put this bowl by the sink (holding up the small bowl.)"

She took the bowls and walked away.

Then I heard a weird sound.

I got up and headed to to kitchen.  There she was standing at the sink making a sad sound and looking down in to the sink.  I walked up behind her and realized what she had done.  She had dumped the popcorn in to the sink and put both bowls on the counter next to it. 

She was looking at the sink with a sad look on her face. 

Then she looked at me.

"Haley, that is not what I meant." I said.

And don't freak out...

I picked the popcorn out of the sink and put it in the small bowl and handed it to her.  She still looked very sad, but she walked away carrying her bowl.

I couldn't make this stuff up.

This is what happens...

...when I don't post in a while.

People are asking me for posts.  Several people in the last week have upbraided me (politely) for not posting.

Here is my problem.  I am a little late with the posts.  Lots of things have been happening around here.  Now I can't decide what to write about, where to begin.  I want to tell you everything, but I know I should be picky.  I am a procrastinator.  This is my life.

So, this is what you missed:

Haley is on the Honor Roll at her High School.  She has a 4.0 grade point average.  I am sure she will be valedictorian when she graduates. :)

Haley has pooped on the toilet, not once, but four separate times in the last couple of weeks.  It is a big deal around here.  We all high five and yell.

On Sunday I was out of the house most of the day and when I went upstairs I was greeted with a toy explosion.  ALL of Haley's toys were ALL over the second floor.  She had been busy.

Haley is a teenager.  You know how teenagers can be.  She has an attitude sometimes.  For some reason the attitude is directed at her Father more than anyone else.  She grunts when he asks her something.  She pushes him away when he gets too close.  Last night he was walking by her as she sat at the dinner table on his way to sit down and she punched him.  She punched him, um, you know where...he yelled and landed on the floor.  I tried not to laugh.  Haley's Big Sis tried not to laugh.  He tried not to laugh.

It wasn't funny...really...it wasn't.  Hee, hee, hee.

Don't tell her I told you this, but Haley's Big Sis enjoys putting Hannah Montana songs on her computer and playing them loud so that Haley can dance around the kitchen singing.  And boy does she!

Haley got a notebook for Christmas from our neighbor.  It is so cute.  It has her name on it and it came with a pen.  Haley likes to write and draw in her notebook.  She likes me to write words so that she can trace them.  She had her Grandma write some words in her notebook when we were visiting them.  She wrote Grandma and Grandpa in the notebook.  She only wrote it on one page, in hindsight it might have been better to write on several pages because Haley looks at that page and points at that page and talks about that page so much that it is very dog-eared.  I am afraid that it will soon fall out of the notebook.

Haley still wants to go tent camping at the Tree Farm.  She talks about it everyday.  We have the words Tent, Camping, Fire and Tree Farm on the Magic White Board.  It is only a matter of time.

So...Life is good.  Haley is busy.  She improves at everything just a little bit every day.

And that is what you've missed.

What Haley does on the Computer

I have been asked "What does Haley do on the computer?

Well, she does a lot.  She goes on YouTube and she watches shows that she likes like The Lion King, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and The Road to El Dorado.  She also watches videos that other people make using those same movies and others.  Those are her top three though.

She searches for those same movies, somehow, I really don't know how she does it, but sometimes she is on eBay looking at Grinch merchandise and $400 Daylight models.

Sometimes she finds videos like Tarzan and she does this:

 

This was just a small portion of the time that spent giggling at this video.  She just kept hitting play again and again.  I think she was at it for at least an hour.

The other day I walked around the corner to find her doing this:

In this case she was watching a DVD of Back to the Future III.  I was so excited to see this.  She was playing.  She was mimicking, sort of, but there was a lot of imagination happening.

Of course I didn't have my camera.  

I had to run and get it and by the time I got back the movie had moved on and she wasn't doing it any more.  So I asked her if she would do it again.  Now I don't know why I thought she would because she has a track record of never performing for me.  I imagine that she would say "I am not a trick pony, Mom!"  

Well, this day was different.  

She was more than happy to oblige.  I reversed the video back to the part where Marty and Doc are riding their horses really fast and she put her dolls back on their horses and she did it again.  

That was new.

You may be wondering why the keyboard is red.  Well, that is another story entirely.  

The other thing that Haley does when she is on the computer is concentrate.  She concentrates so hard on what she is watching on the screen that she drools.  We learned the hard way that drool is not good for a laptop keyboard.  She shorted it out recently.  It seems that there was a puddle in the keyboard.  It sat that way over night.  

The next morning the keyboard did not work.  

Haley doesn't really use the keyboard.  She mainly uses the mouse and sometimes hits the space bar.  She didn't miss the keyboard that much.  The rest of us did, so we had to buy a new one for the laptop.  We put plastic wrap over the keyboard to prevent that from happening again.  My husband found a little plastic keyboard cover recently that he put over the new laptop keyboard.  It seems to be working pretty well.

So that is what Haley does on the computer.

In The Night

There is a sound that I dread. 

It startles me when I am downstairs and I hear it upstairs.

When I hear it in my living room or my office it means work for me.

When I hear it at 1:30 in the morning, like I did last night, it is down right frightening!

It is the sound of Haley dumping all of the toys out of her purse.

At 1:30 a.m.

After I got over the initial shock I dragged myself out of bed and opened my bedroom door.  There she was rifling through the contents of her purse. 

"Haley, what are you doing?" I whispered.

"Pumba."

Now I was sleepy and a little disoriented so my mind was not swift.

"Is that your hyena?" I asked, knowing full well that it wasn't, but I couldn't remember what it was. 

I knew it wasn't the warthog from The Lion King.  I knew that she had chosen that name for a different kind of animal.  And I knew at the time she named it that it was probably not a good idea to let her use that name.  Not because it would confuse her, but for this very reason. 

That it would confuse me. 

That at some point I would be asked to find said animal (in the middle of the night) and I would not remember which animal it was because the name attached to it brought up memories of another animal which it was not.

She said "yeah," even though that was clearly not the animal she was looking for. 

We both knew that.  We were both tired though.  And it was dark. 

I tried in vain to help her shuffle through the toys looking for an animal that neither one of us could see and that only one of us really knew that we were looking for.

I smelled something.

"Haley, do you need your pants changed?"

"Yeah."

"OK, let's go do that."

She got up and I followed her in to the bathroom.

Afterward I gently persuaded her to go back to bed.  I didn't say that we would look for Pumba in the morning, but it was implied.

About an hour later (after I heard her shuffling around the house) she came in to my room.  I got up and put her back in bed again.  There was no mention of Pumba this time.

In the morning it started, after she had breakfast and got dressed, thankfully.  I looked around the house, but I didn't find it. 

I do remember now that it is a lion cub.  The one she got at the zoo the last time we went.  I spent a good hour looking for it this morning after she went to school, but so far no luck.

The bummer is that about a week ago I did a thorough cleaning of her room and I bagged up a bunch of toys that she never really plays with and I donated them.  I am pretty sure that Pumba was not amongst those toys, but the thing is that I organized everything in her room.  I don't remember seeing it, but if I did I would have put it with the other plastic animals and it is not there.

So like her Big Sis said, it is probably in a weird place that she put it, but she doesn't remember. 

Her Big Sis also said that she imagines her mind is like a log book where she catalogs all of her toys, where she played with them last and where she left them.  And when someone moves them (like I did when I cleaned) her log book gets all messed up.

So I messed up her log book.  And Pumba is missing. 

And I have about four hours to find her.

Hand Signals

When Haley was small, before she spoke words at all, she used sign language.  All of her therapists used sign language with her.

The standards were yes, more and all done. 

She really never used no, not that that should be a surprise.

They tried to get her to do music and toilet too, but she rarely did.  Once she could speak she phased out the sign language. 

She occasionally uses it now, but she says the word along with it. 

I never know why she does it, it just comes out sometimes. 

Her yoga instructor tries to get her to answer yes or no using sign language.  When she does, I think Haley is just copying.  It doesn't really seem like a response to me.  She answers her, but she is still really quiet in yoga.

Haley seems to have developed her own form of sign language.

I wonder if what Haley is doing is really sign language. I have no way of knowing.  I tried to look up pictures of people doing sign language, there are some great sites that you can search a word or a phrase and they show a video of someone signing.  There was no way to reverse it. 

I was going to try to describe her hand signals to you, but finally I decided that I would have my husband take pictures of me doing them.

When she is explaining something emphatically she holds one hand over the other like this:

When she is mad and not getting her way she cups one hand in the other like this:

and pulls them apart quickly. 

If she is really mad she does it over and over again.

These days she feeds herself without any problem.  In fact she is getting better about scraping the food back to the middle of the plate so that she can scoop it up again.  We have tried to get her to push a bite on to the fork with her finger, but she won't touch her food. 

It took us a long time to get her to eat sandwiches and hamburgers on her own.  Come to think of it she will eat a taco by herself now too.  So really she has come a long way. 

Sometimes it seems she hits a road block and she wants help. 

It is those times that she holds her fork like Lord Voldemort holds his wand. 

She always directs this to me.

 It kind of gives me the creeps.

Thrown Off

I hate early release days.

The schools in this area have early release days around the trimester change.  They are getting ready for teacher conferences.  The kids get out of school two hours early.  I imagine that each class time is reduced.  Lunch is probably at the wrong time too.

That happened yesterday.

Haley got off the bus.  She started her normal after school routine, including wanting a snack.  I was thinking to myself that she just ate lunch, but I thought a little snack wouldn't hurt her.  Then she wanted another one.  And then another one.  I opened her lunch box.  Sure enough it was empty.  I really don't know where she puts it all.

Her Big Sis had plans to make a lemon meringue pie when she got home from school.  She started on it right away.

Then things started to unravel.

As I sit here I don't remember what set her off, but she was off. Everything made her mad.  She was practically bristling.  I realized that I needed to go to the store for a few things.  I looked at her sister and realized that with what she was doing there was no way that I could leave Haley with her in that state. 

I asked Haley if she wanted to go to the store with me.  She said "Yeah."  And than she said "Bucks" which means Starbucks.  Haley and her sister have started walking to Starbucks for drinks.  Haley likes that.  Whenever we say store now that equates with Starbucks.  It used to mean The Mall to her.  I don't know which is worse.

I said "No Haley, we are not going to that store."

That set her off again.  I told her I needed to go upstairs for a few minutes and then we would go.  She started following me.  Screaming. Her Dad was upstairs working.  I could tell he was on the phone.  I quickly stopped her and pushed her back in to the kitchen, I could hear her Dad close the door to his office.  I knew if Haley ramped up a closed door would not be enough.  I tried to calm her down.  I asked her if she wanted to go with me again.  She said she did.  I sat her down on the couch and told her to pet her cat for a few minutes.  Her sister came over and started talking to her and petting the cat.

I ran upstairs and got ready.  When I came down we got her shoes on and left.

She was fine on the ride over and she was pretty good in the store. She likes to help me push the cart.  As we were leaving I could feel her getting a little upset.  I think she realized that she hadn't gotten anything. 

We got in the car and she rolled down the window.  I looked over my shoulder just as she stuck both of her hands out the window.  I told her to roll it back up again and then I locked it.  Then she proceeded to bang on the glass and scream.  I tried to talk to her.  To redirect - as we say - I asked her how she felt.  I asked her if something hurt.  I could see in the rear view mirror that she touched her head.  (Yeah, I was getting a headache too!)  I told her we would go home and have some medicine and relax on the couch.  I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie.  

She said "Yeah." 

"What movie do you want to watch?"  

"Cars."  

"OK, we will go home and watch Cars."  

That worked.

When we got home we both had a pain reliever and sat down on the couch.  After a while I think we both felt better.

I can't say with complete certainty that the change in her schedule caused all of that, but I have a strong suspicion that it did.  It has happened before.  She does better with a schedule.  She thrives on a schedule.  You mess up her schedule and this is what you get.

Well, it is what I get.

I hate early release days.

How Do You Feel?

School started.  Leaves fell.  The weather turned.  Rain started falling. 

Germs entered our house.

All four of us have been sick.  Ill.  Slight sore throats, runny stuffy noses, general malaise... just not right.

Not all at once mind you.  One after another. 

A constant run-on sentence of discontent.  I am so over it!

Anyway, as the weather changes our needs change.  The clothes we wear have more;  longer pant legs, longer sleeves, thicker fabric and layers.  For some of us that transition comes naturally. 

Some of us need a little help.

Haley doesn't seem to know how she feels.  She has a high tolerance for pain, we have known that for a long time.  We found out the hard way.  Apparently she also has a high tolerance for discomfort.  Remember when your Mom would say "Put a sweater on, I'm cold." 

It is just like that.  If I am cold I assume she is and I dress her accordingly.

She wore sandals all summer.  She didn't wear socks.  Most of the time she wore shorts, but even when she wore long pants she didn't wear socks.  So lately she is running around the house without socks and I am cold. 

So I say "Haley, do you want some socks on?"

"Yeah."

So I put socks on her.  Otherwise she would have gone without socks all day.  If I am cold I put a sweater on her.  Most of the time she leaves it on.  Sometimes she takes it off.  There are times when she has gotten a sweater or jacket out of her drawer and put it on by herself, or asked for help with it.

I assume she feels cool, but maybe she just likes the sweater.

Last night Haley's pull-up leaked.  Her pants were a little wet.  I looked at the clock and realized that it was pretty close to her bed time.  Her Big Sis runs around the house all of the time in pajama bottoms and so do I on occasion (especially when I am sick.)  I thought they would be easier for her to put on than pants, so I told her to go upstairs and put on pajama bottoms.

She did that, but there were some other changes too.  Haley is a creature of habit.  Some processes don't change.  So in her mind if she was putting on pajamas other things had to happen.

She had taken off her glasses and her socks.

She does that before she goes to bed.  When pajamas go on glasses come off.  She will not wear socks to bed, so the socks came off too. It didn't matter that she would be up another hour or so. 

That is just the way it is.

So there she is without socks again.  And I am freezing...

One and the Same

Haley and our cat are basically the same.

They both overreact when someone sneezes:

Shadow jumps and looks around for the offender - he seems to be worried that it is only a warning strike and that something more horrendous is sure to happen. Haley immediately goes in to imitation mode and makes disgusting noises endlessly.

They both want the same thing:

Shadow wants to be out of his room. Haley wants Shadow to be out of his room. They conspire. Haley will follow him around the house watching him, watching him do whatever nasty thing he wants to do, she doesn't try to stop him or warn us.

They both want food all the time:

Haley's insatiability is well documented here. I usually let Shadow outside in the morning, clean his room (the laundry room) and give him fresh water and food. When he comes in a little later he looks at his food bowl as if it is empty and then looks up at the cabinet where his food is stored, looks at the bowl, looks at the cabinet, looks at the bowl...

They both know that I am the mother:

It doesn't matter to either of them who is with them and how well they are being cared for and loved; if I walk in to the house (or the room) they both want...me.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Holding a small child's hand can be difficult. 

You hold their hand to keep them safe, like when you are crossing the street and all they want to do is run. 

You hold their hand to pull them the direction that you want to go while they are frantically pulling in the opposite direction. 

Sometimes those little fingers slip out of your hand because they are small, or wriggly, or slimy or because they are a good two to three feet lower than your hand comfortably hangs.

Holding a teenagers hand is something that few parents get to do.  Teenagers only hold other teenager's hands.

I still hold Haley's hand.

When we are crossing the street.  When we are walking through parking lots.  When we are at the grocery store or the mall.  When we are going up or down a flight of stairs.

She is almost my height now so our hands naturally hang down at about the same level.  Our hands are about the same size, so they fit.  I don't feel like I am holding her fingers anymore.   Our palms touch.   Her fingers curl around mine.  She actually holds my hand.  She doesn't try to pull away.

If it seems safe and if it seems like she will keep up with me I let her walk on her own now.  I am trying to let her be more independent.  She will reach out and take my hand.  Sometimes it feels like it is out of habit and sometimes it feels like she wants to.

We went for a walk with Grandma and Grandpa when we were staying at their house last weekend.  The roads that we were walking on were fairly busy so I held her hand most of the time.  We walked on a side road for a while that wasn't very busy so I let go.  It was warm and her hand was sweaty.

When we walk I sometimes have to pull her along.  It gets really tiring, especially if we are walking up hills.  Who am I kidding?  It just gets really tiring. 

So she would walk along on her own for a while and then she would sidle up to me and take my hand.

I like to hold Haley's hand these days.  It's different from holding her hand when she was little.  I am not holding her hand, we are holding each other's hands.

It is a comfortable feeling.

The other night the whole family was sitting in the living room watching television.  Haley's Dad and Big Sis were sitting on one couch and I was sitting on the other with Haley.  Haley reached over and slid her hand into mine.

We sat like that for quite a while, just holding hands.

It was nice.

I've Done It Again

When we got back home from our family vacation in Montana Haley immediately talking about going to visit Grandma and Grandpa.

We had been talking about visiting them, when Haley wasn't around. 

We decided that we should talk to them about it the next time they called.  We didn't want Haley to hear the conversation because we knew it would be awhile before we could visit and Haley doesn't really understand the concept of time.  Her Big Sis warned us - she said that Haley has a "Spidey Sense" about these things.

Grandma and Grandpa called at the regular time.  Haley got to "talk" to them, like she usually does.  Then I took the phone from her and handed it to her sister.  I told her that her sister wanted to talk to Grandma and Grandpa and then I asked her if she needed to use the bathroom.  It gave us enough time to verify the dates and get things worked out and then Haley got the phone back when she was done.

Everything seemed to go off without a hitch.

The next day when I walked into the kitchen Haley got out the dry erase markers and wanted me to write Grandma and Grandpa's house on the calendar.  I assumed that someone had told her.  It was almost August so I thought it was time to change the calendar anyway.  I cleaned July off the calendar and started adding August.  I put the visit to Grandma and Grandpa's on the calendar.

That started it.  She wanted to pack.

I tried to explain to her that it would be several weeks before we would go.  We counted the days.  I took her finger and pointed to each day as we counted.

It was no good.  She is like a broken record.  She will not stop.

Later in the day I asked her sister to help her make a paper chain like they do at school when they are counting down to an event.  That seemed to help for a little while.

The next day she was at it again.  She says she wants to "Go."  It has gotten to the point that I have to avoid that word all together.  If I use it in any context she immediately thinks I mean that we are going to Grandma and Grandpa's. 

I explain the situation to her again.  She gets mad. 

She has been having "two year old tantrums," actually throwing herself on the floor kicking and screaming.  Every morning we go through it again, she thinks that each morning we wake up it will be the day that we are going to leave.  We have spent the last three days with a very unhappy child and I am scared.  I understand time. 

She may not be counting the days, but I am.

"Om Tarred"

Traveling wears Haley out.  Apparently.

As we are driving down the road we hear great big yawns and sighs.  Haley announces that she is tired.  It sounds like "Om Tarred."  Like she suddenly has a southern accent.  Well, maybe not a southern accent, perhaps an accent from the Oklahoma hills.

It cracks me up.

Everything will be quiet for a while.  We might hear the rustle of the plastic bag that Haley carries her toys in now or a quiet conversation that she is having with one of her Scheich horses. 

Then it starts.

We here a small yawn and a sigh. 

Then a louder yawn. 

Then she says "OM TARRED!" 

Her sister asks if she is sleepy. 

"Yeah.  Yeepy."

"Why don't you take a nap?" her sister offers.

Then we hear "snoring."

Then Haley says "Wake up."

Her sister says "Oh are you awake now?"

"Yeah."

And the cycle starts again.

My Dad

Haley never knew her other Grandpa, my Dad.  He died the year before she was born.

I can hardly believe that that was over fourteen years ago. 

My Dad would have loved Haley.  He loved her sister very much.  He really had a soft spot for little kids, but especially girls.  When we called and told him that Haley's Big Sis was born he said "Thanks for having a girl."

Haley reminds me of my Dad every day.  Not just because she was born shortly after he left us, but because she is a lot like him.  When Haley was born I looked over at her while the nurses were doing their tests on her. For a moment I saw my Dad in her face. She looked just like him.

My Dad was a motor head.  He loved cars and trucks and motorcycles and boats; anything with a motor and a tailpipe.  I remember when Haley was really little she would turn her head to the sound of a motor.  If a motorcycle went by outside she paid attention.  I don't remember if he cared much for trains, but if he saw how much she loves them I bet he would have liked them too. 

She got that from her other Grandpa.

There are many ways that Haley reminds me of my Dad.  She has looks and mannerisms that are very similar.  It's funny that although she does repeat herself a lot, she does have a tendency to not repeat herself when you want her to.  If I ask her a question and I don't hear the answer she will not say it again.  My Dad did that.

My Dad was cool.  I mean "Fonzie" cool.  His look was very much from the '50's.  He had curly hair that he slicked back into a duck tail. Yes, that is where Haley gets her curly hair from.  He wore jeans and a white t-shirt pretty much exclusively.  He rolled a pack of cigarettes up in his t-shirt sleeve up until four months before he died. 

He stopped smoking then. 

It was too late though.  When the doctors gave him four months to live it seemed like he took them at their word.  He lived those last few months to the hilt though.  He took care of business and he put his life in order.  He stopped working and started having fun.  He was a different person.  Even though I know he was in pain he seemed to enjoy the time he had left.

I miss him.

I am thinking about him now because we are heading to Montana to see my family. I will see my father in my brother and my sister. I will probably also see him in their children. He would have loved to be around them.

Along the road to Montana a huge group of bikers were heading the other direction.  The cacophony of sound that came from their bikes made me think of my Dad. 

He would have loved it. 

From the backseat I heard Haley say "Ooooh. Wow."