Letting Go

February was a busy month for me, I packed a lot in.  I tried to keep up with this blog during that time and I surprised myself at how well I did that.  Now that I am not so busy it has been hard for me to write.

I have been doing a lot of volunteer work for my church, I have been teaching Haley's Big Sis to drive and my husband and I have been attending classes that will help us be better parents to Haley.  Not to mention the fact that we added Yoga and Confirmation Classes for Haley this month.

In February my husband and I went to several classes that were put on by different groups to aid families of children with special needs.  They were all concentrated in February because some of them had to be postponed from their original dates due to weather.  We went to classes on Social Security benefits for people with disabilities and the value of employment for people with disabilities, my husband went to a class put on by a Naturopathic Physician and we just went to a class put on by Haley's first Occupational Therapist and her current Yoga instructor.

We have learned a lot, but what I feel I have learned the most is that I need to start letting go.

Letting go is not something I want to do.  I don't want to let go of Haley or her Big Sis.  I still feel certain that I will keep Haley with me for as long as possible, but I have heard from other parents and kids that they need the chance to be on their own.

One speaker that we listened to has a son who is now an adult and he does have his own home, but his parents are still very much involved in his life. 

He has had many jobs and has learned something from each of them.  He has a girlfriend and even though he will not be able to drive, he will soon get a car.  At first his parents weren't thrilled with the idea, but he was able to give them a list of the people who would be willing to drive his car for him. 

The fun thing is that he loves The Dukes of Hazzard and the General Lee, which is their car.  They know someone that can create a General Lee for him and that is thier plan.  Can you just imagine his reaction when he sees it?  It would be like giving Haley her own personal 4449 steam engine!

His mom talked about the ways that they have been adapting his surroundings, his jobs and his world so that he can be a functioning part of society.  He has friends that he does things with, he has a job that occupies his mind, he has money that he can use how he wants.

I don't see Haley living the way he does.

I know I may someday see things differently, but the Mom in me wants to care for her.  I know that this young man's Mom still cares for him, but in a different way.  She was quick to admit that she still spends sleepless nights worrying about him, but she has let him be who he is.

When  people talked about the value of employment what a lot of them said was that as parents we need to create jobs for our kids.  There are agencies and services available to help, but it has really been the families that did the creating so that their kids could have meaningful work. 

My husband and I have joked that a job that Haley could do would be to test computer games, because if someone could crash a video game it's Haley.  If a game designer just watched her play a game I think they would learn a lot about how they could make the game more user friendly not only for kids like Haley, but for anyone.

The other thing I found interesting about listening to other people's stories is the ways that they made life in the world easier for their kids.  The young man I have been talking about has different people that do things with him several times a week.

I could see a friend (or someone that we hire) coming to take Haley to the mall, she loves that or someone that can take her to a group yoga session.  These are things that I can see happening some time in the future.

Another thing that I realized is that Haley's Big Sis will probably not be around in several years so she is going to need someone that is close to her age to hang out with.

This is not something that I want to think about, but it is something that I need to think about.

The time is coming and soon Haley will be in High School. 

Oh my goodness...