Oooops...

Haley was coming down the steps of the bus differently than usual.  I noticed that she was stepping one foot in front of the other.  I actually couldn't tell you how she usually steps off of the bus, but I knew that this was different.

I said "What are you doing?"

She was giggling.  A lot.

As she stepped to the pavement the bus driver said "Her pants are falling down."

Sure enough as she began to pass me I turned and I saw her bottom completely exposed.

"Whoa, Haley, what the heck!"  I exclaimed.

I waved at the bus driver and grabbed Haley's pants, hiking them up as she continued to walk to the front door.  I watched as she walked away, her pants slowly slipping down her hips yet again.

It was then that I remembered getting her dressed that morning.  She wanted to wear her new jeans.  The jeans that I didn't try on her at the store.  

Haley and I went shopping a couple of weeks ago.  Just before her confirmation.  We actually went shopping for a nice outfit for her confirmation, which we found.  One outfit is never enough for Haley, however.  She actually needed long pants.  She has been wearing my shorts and capris all summer and in to the fall, but her one-on-one helper mentioned that she was cold and needed socks and shoes.  By inference I understood that she also needed pants that covered her calves and ankles.  So we tried on about six pairs of pants, a couple of dresses and several tops.  

She had had enough.  

After watching her try on so many things I felt like I knew what size she wears.  

She had tried on a pair of jeans that were size 6 R, they fit really well, but were really long.  So we went back to the rack and I picked up a pair of jeans that were size 6 S, presumably for short?  I held them up to her and they were the right length.  We didn't try them on.

When I put them on her at home they were not the right size.  They were close, but not quite right.  She needed a belt with them.  I got one of my belts and put it on her.  That worked, somewhat.  That was a week ago.  So in the morning when I put her jeans on her I thought to myself that the belt she had worn the week before had seemed bulky.  I wanted to try a different belt.  

I planned to go to my closet and get another belt after the rest of our morning routine.

We went in to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and fixed her hair.  I washed her glasses and put them on her.  Usually after I do that we go downstairs.  

That is what we did.  

When we got downstairs I put her socks and shoes on her and then got her backpack and coat.  I was in Normal Mode.  I didn't think about her belt again.

So her pants had been falling down all day.  

At least she thought it was funny.

~ Haley's Mom

I am participating in 31 for 21 Blog Challenge this month. The challenge I have accepted is to blog every day in October to raise awareness for Down Syndrome. Learn more about Down Syndrome at the National Association of Down Syndrome.

Pretty Please

My husband and I have always used "Please" and "Thank you" with our daughters.  If we want them to do something or go somewhere or hand us something we use those words and we expect them to use them too.

I have learned that I get better results if I don't yell at my daughters from another room when asking them to do something.  I try to walk up to them, get their attention and then make my request using please and thank you.  I am not perfect.  I forget sometimes, but I do try.

I have noticed lately that Haley responds really well to please.

Sometimes my husband sounds demanding when he doesn't use please and I am sure it sounds that way to her too. 

When Haley's Dad asks her to take out the recycling it sounds like this:

"Haley, it's recycling time." or "Haley, take out the recycling."  The response he gets is usually "ugh!" (read a grunt)

I tend to say "Haley, can you please take out the recycling?" or "Would you help me take out the recycling, please?" to which she usually says "Yeah," gets up and comes in the kitchen to help me.  It may be a coincidence, but I don't think so.

It works when I take Haley to the restroom too.

I usually have her go first even if I am the one that has to go.  I have always thought that if she hears me going she might go in her pull-up and then our trip is wasted (sorry if this is getting a little personal.)  If I follow her in and watch her without saying much she will pull down her pants, sit down and then immediately stand back up.  Then I have to tell her to sit down and try again. Sometimes that works, but most of  the time it doesn't.  Now if I say "Try to pee, please."  She relaxes and pretty soon I hear a little tinkle (again I apologize.)

When she wants something I always insist that she uses please and thank you.

If she wants a glass of juice or help putting a DVD in the player I insist that she ask me in a full sentence, followed by please. Sometimes she uses full sentences on her own, but she leaves off the please.  I always ask her to say please and remind her to say thank you.  Maybe that will be the next lesson that she gets. We have been working on it for a long time.

She did so well with the last one.

Dad. Dinner. Ready.

One of the things that I have been trying to get Haley to do lately is call her Dad for dinner. 

The main reason is convenience.  If she calls him than I don't have to, but there is another reason.  It gets her to use her big voice in a nice way.  She does have one.  She uses it when she is angry or upset.  We want to hear her voice.  And not just when she is ticked at us.

So I have been asking her to call her Dad.

Getting There

This summer I have been trying to get Haley to use the bathroom by herself.  I just started telling her to go.  What do you know, it worked.

I say "Haley, do you need to use the bathroom?"  She usually says "Yeah."  Then I say "Go."

She goes in to the bathroom, turns on the light and shuts the door.

I wait.

I hear *tinkle, tinkle tinkle* and then she knocks.

I go in to the bathroom and she wants me to help her finish up.  I don't, but I do talk her through it.

"Take off your pants... put on a new pull-up... put on your pants... flush.  Good job!"

Then as she leaves the bathroom I ask her to shut off the light.  Each time she gets a little better, but she would be happy to let me do it for her.

I have been really consistent this last week.

Then I went to work this morning and forgot to tell her sister and her dad what I have been doing.

I came home and asked how the day went.  Apparently she put her pants on for her dad.  I still have to ask her sister.

How many?

Haley is constantly snacking.  Constantly.  Snacking.

Sometimes she gets her own snacks.  Sometimes she just needs me to open a package or unscrew a lid.

Earlier she brought me the box of crackers and the Nutella.  She needs a little more help with this snack.  She needs me to spread the Nutella on the crackers for her.

I have been working on getting her to do things for herself this summer.  Especially in the potty training area, but all aspects of her life really.

I have also been trying to get her to understand numbers.  Specifically counting how many days it will be until we go to Grandma and Grandpa's, because I Did It Again. We count on the calendar.  We count on her paper chain her sister made.  When she starts talking about it I ask her how many days are left.  She doesn't answer. 

She doesn't get it.

Still I try.

So instead of mindlessly putting Nutella on some crackers I asked her how many she wanted.

"One," she said.

I put one cracker on the plate.  She gave me a strange look.

"Two."

I put another cracker on the plate.


"Three."

I put another cracker on the plate.

"Two."

I took a cracker off of the plate. 

That got a reaction!  She gave me a look like she thought I was insane.

"Three."

I put a third cracker on the plate.  Then she started to get upset.

"One."

"Do you mean one more?"

"Yeah."

I put a fourth cracker on the plate.

"One," she said.

"Do you mean one more?"

"Yeah."

I put another cracker on the plate and looked at her. 

"Is that good?" I said.

"Yeah."

I wonder how long it will take before she gets this?

Citizenship

Today was the last day of school and for Haley it was the last day of middle school.  My baby will be going to High School next year.*gasp*

I received a letter inviting me to attend an award ceremony at the school today because my daughter would be receiving an award.  It is not her first award. She comes home with certificates several times a year, but I have never gotten an invitation to witness it. Also since it is the last day of school and she is "graduating" I thought that I would like to go.

I sent a note with Haley to her teacher this morning asking her to call me if Haley was indeed going to attend the ceremony. There have been times in the past that the teacher has told me that Haley would not attend the ceremony and that her award was given to her in class.

I suppose that is OK, but shouldn't she feel the recognition? Shouldn't she hear the applause?

I wanted her to and I wanted to.

The teacher called me and asked me if I had received a letter.  I told her that I had. She said that Haley would certainly be attending the ceremony then and that I could come.

I arrived at the gym and took a seat in the bleachers. The chairs in front were reserved for the 8th grade students.  I had only sat there a few moments when I saw Haley enter the room with her aide. They sat in the very first seat in the front.  I watched as her aide leaned over to her, spoke a bit and then turned and looked up at the bleachers. I knew she was looking for me so I stood up and waved.

She motioned for me to come down.

I walked up to Haley and said "Hi." She looked very confused. Mom isn't supposed to be at school. I gave her a hug and told her that I would be in up the stands. When I got back to my seat Haley's aide pointed to me and I waved. Haley waved too, but I could tell that she didn't see me.

The award assembly was nice. The principal and the teachers were very enthusiastic about the great students that were being recognized. I got teary eyed and choked up several times. When the Citizenship award was announced I felt a little feeling in my stomach that it would be the one for my daughter.

I wanted to remember the nice speech that the principal gave about what made a student a good citizen, but I don't remember it. I remember my daughter's name being called. I watched her walk up with the rest of the kids that also were receiving certificates. I took several pictures. I was so proud. I felt a lot of love toward that principal as she leaned her head on Haley's shoulder and showed her the certificate and the pin that she had earned. All of the kids were allowed to return to their seats and then the principal herself took the time to walk Haley back to hers.

After the ceremony was the 8th grade party. The kids got to go out on the field and have pizza, chips, fruit and cake. I decided to hang out with Haley a little while. I talked with her aide as Haley ate her lunch. They had a DJ playing music and I noticed that the other girl who was "graduating" from life skills was already dancing. Haley wanted to join her. I watched from the side and took pictures. Haley came to me and seemed a bit warm so I started to help her take off her jacket and BAM!

I was hit in the forehead with a football.

I was stunned a moment. Then I looked around to see who had thrown it. It was a pair of boys who had been throwing the ball back and forth for the last ten minutes. We had asked them to move away from the kids who were dancing, but obviously they didn't do it.

I came unhinged. I yelled at them. I told them that they should not be throwing the ball around a crowd of people dancing. I even called them "little shits!" To that one of them replied "You are not supposed to curse at school." I yelled back, "You are not supposed to hit people in the head with footballs!" (My shining moment!)

Haley just stood there wondering what the heck was wrong with her Mom - probably.

I looked around for Haley's aide and she was not to be found. Someone with a walkie-talkie came up to me and asked me how I was. By this time I was shaking. I told her that I had been hit by a football. She said that she could tell, because of the giant red welt in the middle of my forehead. She asked me about the boys and we talked a few minutes. She corralled them and had them sit down. I told her I was looking for Haley's aide and she went to look for her.

Meanwhile Haley joined the other kids and started dancing again.

Her aide came up beside me and I told her that I was going home. On my way out the other teacher asked about Haley and I told her that her aide was with her again. As I left I saw the boys with another teacher.

When I got to my car and started to put my stuff in the trunk I heard the assistant principal calling "Are you Haley's mom?"

"Yes." I said.

He asked me how I was feeling and told me that I should go inside and see the school nurse and fill out an accident report.  I just wanted to go home, but I agreed.  The nurse gave me some ice and a list of symptoms I should be aware of.  A hit like that can cause a concussion.

I really didn't feel that bad. My head hurt and I could tell that I would have a headache. I wanted to go home and rest. And I was emotional, but I had been emotional since the beginning of the ceremony.

Those were all symptoms listed on a poster in the health room.

I started crying and I told the nurse that I hoped the boys wouldn't be in too much trouble. I told her I was really angry when it first happened. She said that it was a normal reaction.

As I walked to the car I realized that today my daughter had earned an award for Citizenship and then I demonstrated a huge lack of Citizenship by yelling at her classmates.

I am not happy with myself at all.

She Can't Spit

File this under Mommy mistakes:

Haley can't spit.

Well, not yet anyway.

I didn't think she would be able to walk, or jump or run either.  She has proven to me that she can, so I am sure she will figure out spitting pretty soon too.

I tried to teach her how to spit after I brushed her teeth a long time ago.  She couldn't do it.  She would lean over the sink and open her mouth, but she had already swallowed so nothing came out.  I tried several times to get her to do it, but it made her mad.  She would just grunt at me and walk out of the bathroom.  So I gave up.

I don't use very much toothpaste on her brush and I just hoped that whatever amount of toothpaste that she ingested wouldn't be enough to hurt her.

Lately Haley seems to be learning at an alarming rate.  I thought maybe it was time to try again.

A couple of days ago after I brushed her teeth I said "Watch Mommy." and I put some water in my mouth and immediately bent over the sink and opened my mouth so that all of the water came back out again.  I asked her to try it.  She did it.  I almost couldn't believe it.

The next time I brushed her teeth I showed her how to slosh it around in her mouth before she leaned over the sink.  She thought that was hilarious, but when she tried it she swallowed right away and there wasn't any water in her mouth to slosh around.  I tried to get her to do it again, but she was done and out the door.

The next time I brushed her teeth I showed her the same thing.  This time she got some sloshing done, but then swallowed twice and there wasn't any water to spit out.

I just happened to be out of the house for a couple of mornings and evenings.  This morning I tried it again.  She did really well.  There really wasn't any sloshing, but she did lean over and spit out some water.  I praised her and made a big deal out of it.  Her Dad came in to the bathroom and said she had been doing a really good job for him.

So many times Haley is held back by my inability to teach her something.  Whether it is because I don't know how to teach her or it never occurs to me that she should be able to do something on her own.  I am so thankful for the people in her life, like her teachers and her aides.  They don't second guess her, they just show her how to do something.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 

And sometimes we just need to try again later.

Daylight Shirt

When we got home from Montana it didn't take Haley long to remember that she wanted to earn money for her Daylight shirt.  She went right over to the refrigerator and started counting.  She had four more dollars to go.

In the morning she saw her bag of videos that she had taken to Grandma's house sitting by the TV.  She pointed at it.  I said "Are you going to put those away for a Daylight Dollar?"  She said "Go away."  I knew that meant that she would, it didn't take her long and she had them put away and she handed me the bag.

She helped me load the dishwasher and then she helped her Big Sis take out the recycling.  That is working out really well, Big Sis likes to help her earn her Daylight Dollars so we don't have to hound her to take out the recycling.

She was down to needing one Daylight Dollar.

Yesterday she was in no mood to do any chores for me.  I didn't push it.  I gave her the opportunity a couple of times, but if she didn't want to do it I just let it go.  It was kind of late in the day when she finally decided that she would empty the dishwasher (she puts away the silverware and the plastic cups.)  We went over to the refrigerator and crossed off the last dollar.

While she was celebrating I ram upstairs and got fifteen ones out of my purse.  I came back down and counted them into her hand.  She helped me count.  Then I told her to show her money to her sister while I got the package that had arrived in the mail while we were in Montana.  I had ordered the shirt before we left so I she would have instant gratification.

She came back to me and I showed her the package.  I asked her to count out the fifteen dollars into my hand and then I handed her the package.  She was so excited.  We held the shirt up to her and we talked about it.  We even went into the downstairs bathroom  and turned off the light so that she could see that it glows in the dark.  I don't think she cares about that.

I was going to throw the package away when I noticed that there was a new catalog in it.  She likes the new catalog. 

She has already figured out what she wants next.  She has her eye on a DVD which is twenty dollars.  That should take just a little longer to earn, but I think she has the concept now. 

She never got anxious about the wait for her shirt and actually she didn't even question the fact that she would get it.  She really got into the process of earning it.  It has been really fun for all of us.  Who knew?

Daylight Dollars

I may regret this.  You would think I would learn, especially after the twelve day period that I just went through, but here I go again.

Haley is a shopper.  She loves to shop.  She loves clothes. She doesn't seem to think that she can get to a point where she has enough clothes.  She is always on the search for that elusive special shirt that she just can't live without.

I needed to go to the mall on Sunday.  Haley's Dad was not home and Haley's Big Sis needed to go with me (we were returning a video game and it was apparently urgent.)  So I had to take Haley.  I tried to explain to her before we left what we would be doing.  We were going to a specific store within the mall and that would be the only store we were going in to.  We were not going to go to another store.  We were not going to buy anything.

We had just been to a store a couple of days earlier (for Haley's Big Sis) and Haley walked out of it with a big bag.  I am so weak.

Anyway, it didn't matter what I said before, during or after.  Haley was upset that she didn't get to buy anything.

Later on that day she was looking at her Historic Rail catalog and she saw a t-shirt with the Daylight steam engine on it.  It is black and it looks like the white steam and other white parts of the shirt might glow in the dark, much like the 700 shirt she already has.  I told her that. 

"Haley, it's just like the one you have with the 700 on it."

"Daylight."

Oh, right.  It is different.  My bad.

She is starting to get the concept of money.  She knows that she needs money if she is going to the mall with her class.  She knows Mom puts money in her wallet when she needs it.  She knows if there are numbers next to something in a JCPenney's ad it means - money. 

She pointed to the picture of the t-shirt in the catalog and said "Money."  I told her that it was fifteen dollars.

Then I got an idea.  What if I had her do some chores to earn the money.  I had already asked her to pick up her videos and put them away (and she hadn't done it.)  I thought that if she had some incentive she just might.  I asked her if she wanted to buy the shirt.  She said "Yeah."  I told her that she needed fifteen dollars.  I told her that if she picked up her videos and put them in the cabinet I would give her one dollar.  I said "Would you pick up your videos for one dollar?"  She said "Yeah."  She bent down and picked up her entire stack of videos and headed for the cabinet.  I could see disaster all over that, I watched her take a few steps and put them on the ottoman.

I realized I was going to have to be more specific.  I showed her how to stack each one on the table by the cabinet and then I showed her how to put each one in the cabinet.  I walked away.  It must be noted that both her Dad and her Big Sis were witnesses to this whole thing, they were not much help though.  Haley's Dad made a comment about how she was doing and I looked over to see her stacking all of the videos up too high.  I had to come back and show her how to make them fit within the cabinet.  When she was all done I said "Good Job!" and I showed her the chart on the fridge that I had quickly made on a white board.  I showed her the fifteen squares and then I filled one in.  She was excited.

Since then she has put away all of her toys and helped me empty the dishwasher.  I am going to have to think of more things for her to do.  She doesn't like to wait so she will want to move this along.  She is already eyeing a video on the same page that is 30 dollars. 

She is very excited about earning her dollars though, she started calling them Daylight Dollars.  I thought it was appropriate.

What I Am Learning to Teach

Everyday occurrences become lessons.  I feel like I spend a lot of time teaching Haley.  Mothers of toddlers are used to this.  I am the mother of a teenager and a pre-teen.  I am still teaching them both, but differently.  I teach one of them that if she doesn't call when she says she will or doesn't answer her cell phone when I call, there will be consequences.  I teach the other one to climb in and out of the bathtub.

Last night was bath night.  Haley has a bath on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday nights regularly unless I have something unexpected come up.  Her Dad doesn't give her a bath anymore, it is my job.  This has been our routine for several years and it has become routine.  Something happened recently though that made me rethink our habits.

Haley's Big Sis and I had a Johnny Depp movie marathon.  We watched several of his movies that I had seen and a few that I hadn't.  One of the movies I hadn't seen was What's Eating Gilbert Grape.  The movie was disturbing in many ways, but there was one scene that has haunted me ever since.  I couldn't sleep at all the night that we watched it.

SPOILER ALERT - I have to talk about a key part of the movie to explain what was so disturbing to me, but I won't give away the ending.

Leonardo DiCaprio did an amazing job of portraying Arnie, a young man with mental disabilities.  It was never really explained what exactly his disabilities were but he was very convincing and very much like Haley.  It fell to his big brother Gilbert played by Johnny Depp to take care of him.  He did a pretty good job considering he was only a kid himself, but Arnie was occasionally left on his own to run the streets of Endora, Iowa.  His favorite pastime was climbing the little town's water tower.

The scene that haunts me had to do with Arnie's bath.  Gilbert had the responsibility of giving Arnie his bath, but he wanted to see his girlfriend so he told Arnie where his towel and his robe were and he left.  Now being a Mom to a child with disabilities it didn't take me too long to see how this was going to go.  It was still really upsetting to see that after being out all night, Gilbert returned home and fell asleep and then he awoke in the morning to find Arnie still sitting in the bathtub, shivering.

It really hit home for me.  I would never leave Haley in that situation.  I never even leave the room when she is in the tub, but I can imagine that if I wasn't there to tell her to get out or to help her get out that she would also sit in the water until it was cold.

So the next time Haley took a bath I began to teach her how to get in the tub by herself and how to get out by herself.  I have also started teaching her to pour the water on her hair.  I try to get her to feel the top of her head so that she knows if all of her hair is wet or not. 

These little things that come so easy to us, that we take for granted, these are the things that Haley needs to learn.  These are the things that I have to teach her.

My Little Velociraptor

I am proud of Haley when she learns something new.  It is a great achievement for her, things don't come as easily for her as they do for other children. We rejoice over any advancements Haley makes, but sometimes there are things we don't want her to learn.

There are times that I want to keep her in the dark about certain things.  Take for example the child locks we still have on several cabinets around the house.  We really don't want her to get in to those cabinets.  We have to be careful when we open them so that she doesn't see how it is done.  I have taken to calling her my little Velociraptor.  If you have seen Jurassic Park you know what I am talking about.  They learn.  It can be quite scary.

I was never excited for her to learn how to unlock and open any of the doors in our house, especially those that lead to the great outdoors.  When Haley was a baby we would hold her up to the garage door opener and ask her to push the glowing red button.  Eventually she got tall enough to reach it. Even now we like to let her open and close the garage door for us because it makes her feel useful (I am guessing) and because we usually have our hands full.  Back when she was five or six she also learned how to open the door to the garage from the house, which I really wasn't aware of until it was too late. 

The doorbell rang once when I was upstairs.  I came down and opened the door to find Haley standing there with our neighbor's son from down the street.  He told me he saw Haley wandering down by his house and he didn't see me so he thought he should bring her back home.  You can't begin to imagine how I lavished praise onto that kid.  After he left I sat down and balled my brains out.  We almost got to the point of putting an alarm on all of the doors and maybe we should have, but instead I just became more vigilant and she hasn't done it again.

This last weekend was a three day weekend which meant that the four of us were together in the house for three days.  I should say the five of us because Shadow was also in the house - he doesn't like to go outside.  He was being his usual curmudgeon self though and not sitting still on the girl's laps.  At one point Big Sis decided he was going outside whether he liked it or not.  He hissed at her the entire time but she eventually got him out the door.  We always lock the doors even when we are home so she locked the door after him.  A little while later I came around the corner and there he was sitting in the entryway looking all innocent.  I swear if he could talk he would have said "Haley did it."  So yeah, Haley can unlock the front door and open it.  Oh joy.

Haley likes to let Shadow out of "his room" and he likes to wander the house looking for places to spray.  It puts me over the edge so my husband decided to put a lock on the door to the laundry room on Saturday.  That put my mind at ease. 

I soon learned that it was a false sense of security that I was enjoying.  Come Monday morning Haley had figured out how to unlock that door.  I quizzed the rest of the family and no one fesses up to teaching her how to unlock it or to even to letting her see how over their shoulders.  She did it all on her own. 

In case you are wondering I didn't say "Good Job!"

Haley's Purse

Time is a difficult concept for Haley. She doesn’t know how to tell time. She doesn’t really get the concept, I guess. For example she knows in general that if it is dark it is night, but I can’t tell her that something will happen in an hour or that we will do something at 2:00 PM. She is learning the calendar in school. She can recite the days of the week. Sometimes she can even point at the right day on the calendar, but time is tough.

Haley doesn’t really have any patience. If she wants something she wants it now - not in a minute - not later, now. When she asks for some Kool-aid she seems to really expect it to just appear in her hand. When I say “just a moment” that doesn’t cut it. When I say “I am still putting in your video” or “I will get your Kool-aid for you after I get you the snack you just asked for.”, that is also not acceptable.

It is for that reason that we have learned not to give her too much information about upcoming plans. I emphasize we have learned because that is what a lot of lessons boil down to in our house. Haley learns of course, but generally our lives have been conformed to Haley. We react. We adapt. We learn.

Sometimes it is just easier that way.

Don’t assume that we are kowtowing to our daughter’s every whim that is not what I mean. This is difficult to explain. Haley has limits. When one of Haley’s limits is reached something has to give. She has what we have come to call a MELTDOWN. It begins as a sound that I find difficult to type; it is kind of a grunt/moan/wail. Then she states her request again. She will repeat her request at an ever increasing volume. She will scream at decibels and octaves that will do damage. She will not stop. Well, it is difficult to get her to stop. That may be a topic for another day. I try to avoid the MELTDOWN.

So if we have plans to go somewhere we wait until we are nearly ready ourselves before we tell her that we are going. If we don’t, well, she wants to go right now. Her desire to go is not a bad thing however; sometimes it can be really fun. It has become somewhat of a game in our house. Let’s see how long it takes Haley to realize we are going somewhere. Let’s see if Haley can guess where we are going. And my personal favorite is when Big Sister says “Can I tell Haley we are going now?” The reaction is usually quite entertaining.

Big Sis likes to tell Haley when we are going to the Zoo or G & G’s house because Haley “lights up” and says “Yeah!” and starts packing her purse.

Haley’s purse was born out of necessity. We learned early on that when we left our house with Haley we needed to have something with us that would keep her entertained. We learned that lesson at a restaurant; it was not a pretty scene. We started out carrying toys with us, usually in my purse. We would pull them out to distract her when the waiting got bad. Haley liked to pull things out of my purse. She liked my purse. So I gave it to her.

She has many purses now. Some were given to her as gifts. She does rotate them time and again, but she still likes that purse I gave her. It is mesh so she can see what she has. She packs it herself now with matchbox cars, small plastic animals, and little dolls and their clothes, shoes and accessories and of course her tiny train engines. That purse can get very heavy and sometimes we have to help her pare down a bit.

THE Purse I gave her

I used to pack her purse. Then one day my husband told her we were going somewhere and suggested that she find her purse and put some toys in it. Then later when we told her we were going somewhere she would head up to her room and start packing a purse on her own.

Not too long ago I was heading to the laundry room and there was her purse packed and waiting by the door to the garage. It took some investigating on my part, but what I realized was that she had seen her father’s preparations for a trip he was going on and had made the assumption that she too would be going, so she had packed and put the purse by the door so she would be ready when the time came.

I can see now that each of those steps I just mentioned is a milestone. Haley learns. It does very little good to tell her that we are going somewhere at 2:00 PM, but she has learned that if those silly parents of hers are running around the house packing clothing into suitcases and food into boxes it must be time to pack her purse.